FrankenSohryu
by Author0fntent
Summary: A short time after Third Impact was thwarted, life is beginning to return to normal, until Asuka receives word of an inheritance tied to a very distant 'black sheep' branch of her family-the Frankensteins. Evangelion gets the Mel Brooks treatment in a sendup of 'Young Frankenstein'.
1. Chapter 1 - Strange Inheritance

*Disclaimer: I own nothing of Gainax or 20th Century Fox. And it's FRONKENSTEEN...Furthermore, for purposes of adding to the homage, the events depicted in the story will be imagined in black-and-white.*

Chapter 1 - Strange Inheritance

It had been only a couple of weeks since Third Impact had been thwarted. The assault on NERV had been stopped, Gendo Ikari had been arrested, SEELE was outed as the masterminds behind the whole ordeal, and NERV itself had now been re-purposed by the UN as an R&D-based agency. The three Evangelion pilots-Shinji Ikari, Asuka Langley Sohryu, and Rei Ayanami-were now free and could look forward to having their whole lives ahead of them. In the heat of battle, Shinji and Asuka finally admitted how they felt about one another and began making a go at being a couple. One day the two of them (and Rei) were hanging out together at the apartment they shared with their guardian, Misato Katsuragi-NERV's operations director-when the phone rang. Asuka answered it, surprised to find the person addressing her on the other line speaking in German. After a brief chat, Asuka hung up.

"Who was that?" asked Misato.

"Someone from the German embassy-they want to see me right away", Asuka answered. "I knew that I'd be expected home, but not this soon..."

Soon enough, Asuka, along with Shinji and Rei, piled into Misato's Alpine Renault and were off to the German embassy in Tokyo-2. Along the way, though no one made it apparent, there was a hint of worry on their minds, as they felt like they didn't want to see Asuka whisked away this early, just when they'd started to really become friends. Halfway to their destination, they picked up Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, Misato's longtime friend and the head NERV scientist, as she was going to take care of a small errand in Tokyo-2. She decided to accompany the group out of curiosity. After parking in the embassy lot, the quintet was escorted inside by a couple of guards to the ambassador's office. Once there, they were met by both said ambassador, and another man. He was a middle-aged gentleman, sporting a mustache and wearing a green suit with a blue-gray tie. He was introduced as Melvin Silbermann, a solicitor, here specifically to see Asuka.

"First of all, I'm afraid that I must be the bearer of some tragic news," Silbermann began. "I am sorry to inform you that your great-aunt Inga has passed away recently."

A sad look immediately appeared on Asuka's face. "_Himmel_, that's terrible! She was one of my favorite aunts."

Shinji spoke up. "I didn't know you had any other family. I thought it was just your father and stepmother."

"Er, yeah, I know I wasn't exactly forthcoming about my family life," Asuka responded, referring to when she finally came clean to everyone about her mother's involvement in Project E (and her awful demise) only a few days prior. "Great-aunt Inga was one of the few people I could really open up to about everything outside EVA. She's the one who indulged and encouraged me in a lot of the scientific subjects I studied in college. I wouldn't have my degree if it wasn't for her. My family tended to distance themselves from her, unfortunately. She barely came up whenever we had any gatherings."

"Sounds like she was quite the brainiac," Misato added.

"Why was she not spoken of often?" asked Rei.

"Herr Silbermann, would it be all right if I handled this one?" Asuka inquired of the solicitor. "I have a feeling it'll be a lot to take in."

"I understand. Go right ahead," the solicitor replied.

"_Danke_." Asuka took a deep breath, and then began her story. "My great-aunt Inga comes from a very distant branch of my mom's side of the family. They were based in a part of Bavaria, and carried a scientific streak through the ages, covering all sorts of fields. Biology, medicine, genetics, physics, you name it. But it was the way that they pursued those fields that gave the family a bit of a...notorious reputation."

"What was the family's name?" Shinji asked.

Asuka hesitated before finally answering. "...Frankenstein."

The room was silent as Ritsuko's eyes went wide with surprise.

"Wait, as in-_the_ Frankenstein?" Ritsuko asked.

"_Ja_," Asuka responded reluctantly, with a small sigh following.

"Uh, Rits, what's the big deal with that name?" asked Misato.

"The Frankenstein name is associated with the very idea of a mad scientist. In the scientific community, the Frankenstein legacy is considered one of the most harrowing cautionary tales," Ritsuko explained, "Back in the 19th century, Dr. Victor Frankenstein conducted experiments with reanimating and reviving the dead. He crafted a creature from the corpses and cadavers he stole from cemeteries and charnel houses, and then, using an advanced for its time electrical apparatus, channeled the power of a lightning storm to bring it to life. He succeeded-but the creature was flawed, and went on a rampage throughout the countryside. The destruction and devastation it left in its wake was uncanny. Unfortunately, even after that creature was destroyed, it didn't stop Victor's successors from trying to pick up where he left off in his attempt at playing God."

Asuka continued for Ritsuko. "First it was his nephew Henry, then Henry's son Wolfgang, and then Wolfgang's brother Ludwig. The cycle was supposedly stopped with Ludwig's daughter Ilsa, my aunt Inga's mother, and the last 'creation' was destroyed for good. Ilsa had the family castle, and everything within it, sealed up. No one in the family's dared speak of the Frankenstein name ever since." Her brows furrowed as she kept going. "It did occasionally come up when I was in college, when some curious professor or two who somehow made the connection asked me about it. A little too much, if you ask me. It got so annoying that I'd blow up at them, telling them that Victor Frankenstein was a very sick man, or that they were talking about the insane ravings of a madman. I remember one guy kept pestering me so much that I yelled 'Victor Frankenstein's work was _schisse_!', and that I wasn't interested in death; it got me so pissed I wound up accidentally stabbing the guy's leg with a scalpel." At this statement, Asuka started to look a bit sheepish. "...I've been banned from the school of medicine at the University of Frankfurt since then."

There was a short, awkward pause before someone finally spoke up.

"Wow-looks like we're two-for-two regarding 'weird science' in our families," Shinji said. "At least your great-aunt's got one over my father."

"Aw, how sweet of you," Asuka sarcastically replied.

"Which brings me to the second item of business," Silbermann interjected. "It would appear she loved you greatly, since your great-aunt named you as the sole beneficiary in her will."

All eyes in the room went wide with even greater surprise.

"What was it that she left Asuka?" Rei inquired.

Silbermann eagerly responded, "Asuka Langley Sohryu, you have been named as the new owner of Castle Frankenstein. As per Inga Mannering's will, whoever is named the new owner shall have the castle, and all contents contained within, transported to their current country of residence. As soon as you have signed the necessary paperwork, the castle shall be brought to wherever in the area you choose."

All eyes then turned to Asuka, curious as to what her decision would be.

"Gee, no pressure, guys," Asuka sarcastically said as she nearly rolled her eyes. "Heh-maybe I could make a quick buck turning it into a tourist trap. If this is what great-aunt Inga wanted...Where are the papers?"

"I have them in my briefcase right here," replied Silbermann.

With that, he withdrew them and put them on the desk. Asuka then walked over and signed them, and then picked out a spot on the nearby map-located on the outskirts of Tokyo-3. Silbermann presented Asuka with the deed, and then picked up the phone to quickly inform the home office in Berlin of the transaction's completion and the delivery coordinates.

"Well then, should we start calling you 'baroness' or something?" Misato teasingly asked.

"*GULP* Don't encourage her, Misato," Shinji warned.

"Too late, baka!" an amused Asuka stated. "So, when I can I expect the castle to get here?"

"The castle will arrive in four days to your designated location," replied Silbermann. "I wish you luck in presiding over it."

"Asuka, if I may?" Ritsuko began to ask, "I'd like it if you'd let me look at the castle's laboratory. After hearing about it in college, part of me's always wondered what it looked like, and if Victor's successors made any modifications over the years."

"Long as you're willing to pay admission, doctor," Asuka replied, "but once I show it to you, DON'T get any funny ideas! In fact, all of you are invited to check it out with me. I'll also bring along Kaji, Hikari and the other two Stooges, figure they might get a laugh out of it."

"*SIGH* I have a bad feeling about this..." said Shinji, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Different franchise, Shinji," said Rei.

**END Chapter 1.**


	2. Chapter 2 - Castle Hassle

*Disclaimer: I own nothing of Gainax or 20th Century Fox. And it's FRONKENSTEEN...Furthermore, for purposes of adding to the homage, the events depicted in the story will be imagined in black-and-white.*

Chapter 2 - Castle Hassle

The rest of the week had seemed like a slog, but the day had finally arrived. Castle Frankenstein had been airlifted by a quintet of large helicopters to the area outside Tokyo-3 Asuka had selected, and had been carefully inserted into the pit that served as the new foundation for the grounds. The new mistress of the castle had arrived at the site, having been driven along with Shinji, Rei, and Dr. Akagi by Misato. A few minutes after they'd gotten out of the Alpine Renault, a second car arrived, and out poured Ryoji Kaji-Asuka's former guardian and Misato's on-again-off-again boyfriend-along with the ex-EVA pilots' classmates Hikari Horaki; her boyfriend Toji Suzuhara; and the resident otaku of the group, Kensuke Aida. Surprisingly, a fifth passenger had come along in the form of former reserve EVA pilot and fellow student Mari "Illustrious" Makinami, who was the more eccentric of the four pilots.

Asuka was very surprised by her appearance. "What're you doing here?" she asked.

"Oh, I just had to come!" Mari replied with glee. "Not everyday you find out you're friends with a noble! And to see an honest-to-god mad scientist's castle? Icing on the cake."

"She was very...insistent," Kaji sheepishly admitted.

"*SIGH* Well, no use backing out now," Asuka said with a hint of defeat. "All right, people-what say we get moving and give my new castle the once-over?"

As the group turned toward their destination, lightning flashed in the distance while ominous music played in the background.

[Audio found in this particular meme: watch?v=y8Kyi0WNg40]

Rei turned our way and said two simple words as she pointed with her thumb: "Nice touch."

The group soon entered the castle's courtyard. Hikari took immediate notice of a few details on the left side.

"Wow, they went all out here," Hikari marveled. "They even managed to keep the horses' stables, well, stable."

"How'd the horses manage through the flight?" asked Toji. "You'd think they'd be scared stupid while being airlifted."

"Let me put it this way," Kensuke started. "You know how in _The A-Team_ whenever they needed to get B.A. on a plane?"

"Oh" Toji replied, rubbing his arm as if it were marked for a needle.

The group got startled a bit when they first heard a howl in the distance, followed by the flapping of wings as a group of bats flew out of a nearby spire on the right side of the courtyard. Only Rei and Mari were unfazed.

"Ah, leesten to them, the cheeldren of the night!" Mari intoned in a faux-Bela Lugosi impression. "Vhat muzik they make..."

"Different franchise, Mari" said Rei.

The group finally arrived at the massive wooden front doors of the castle. Each had a large bronze handle with which to indicate entry. Toji and Shinji stepped forward and proceeded to knock on the door with them. Each made a loud, startling bang with each knock.

"What knockers!" said Kaji, a sly grin on his face.

Misato facepalmed. "*UGH* How did I know that was coming...?" she groaned in annoyance.

The left door then opened, and out stepped an older man who appeared to be in his late 70's or early 80's. He was tall, gaunt, and had a face with features that could almost be described as...Karloff-ish in appearance. The man proceeded to introduce himself.

"I am..._Herr Blucher_," he said with a slight hint of menace. Apparently it was menacing enough that the horses in the nearby stables starting whinnying in fright as lightning flashed, much to the astonishment of the people at the doors. "I understand you are Miss Sohryu, the new mistress of the castle?"

"Uh..._guten Abend_, Herr Blucher," Asuka responded, causing the horses to whinny in fear again. "Geez, what's gotten into them?" she muttered. "Yes, I'm Asuka Langley Sohryu. This is my boyfriend Shinji Ikari; my guardian Misato Katsuragi; Dr. Ritsuko Akagi; Mr. Ryoji Kaji; and our friends Rei, Mari, Hikari, Toji and Kensuke."

All said their respective 'hi's' and 'how do you do's' in return.

The caretaker looked around at the group, and then spoke. "Rooms have been prepared, should you decide to stay the night. If you would follow me, we can begin the tour of the castle interior..."

"_Danke_," thanked Asuka, "After you, Herr Blucher." The horses whinnied again at the mention of his name. The group then followed the grim caretaker into the entry hall of the castle, with Rei filing in last. Before she fully stepped in, she poked her head out, darted her eyes left and right briefly, and then looked in the direction of the horses.

"_Blucher_," she said. The horses whinnied again, while an impish smile appeared on her face as she finally stepped inside to join the others.

The group made their way through the castle lobby, taking note of the antique furniture and portraits on the walls. Somehow, an old chandelier managed to remain intact despite the airlift. There was a slight hint of mustiness in the air as they continued on through one of the hallways. In the process, Toji and Kensuke opened a few random doors to see what was inside. When Toji opened one, the sight wasn't that impressive.

"What was it?" Kensuke asked.

"Broom closet," replied Toji.

Kensuke then opened the door next to it, only to gape at the Gothic cellar laid out before him down a set of stairs. Right in the center was a literal pit under a pendulum blade, swinging back and forth. Kensuke hurriedly shut the door, eyes wide as saucers.

"What was it?" Toji asked.

"Broom closet," Kensuke quickly answered.

Toji raised an eyebrow and did a double-take at the door he himself had just previously opened. "_Broom closet_?" he asked skeptically. He then slightly pushed Kensuke aside and opened the door himself, eyebrows going straight up in surprise at the room that was straight out of an Edgar Allen Poe story.

He then turned back to Kensuke, eyebrows still up in astonishment. "_BROOM CLOSET_?"

Hikari then stepped in. "Hurry up, guys!" she urged. The two stooges spared no haste in following her to rejoin the rest of the group. They'd gathered in the big lounge near the center of the castle.

"So..." Asuka began, turning to the group, "What do you think of my new digs?"

There was a short pause before Dr. Akagi finally spoke.

"I think this building should be condemned," she spoke with a straight face, "There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members; the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs; and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone."

Everyone (save for Rei) just stared at Ritsuko in shock, a few with their mouths agape, and Asuka with her right eye starting to twitch. Just when it looked like the redhead was going to blow her top, Ritsuko let out first a mild chuckle, then a full-on fit of laughter, at which point Kaji and Misato, in on the joke, joined in.

"Oh, man that felt good," Ritsuko said between laughs, "I've wanted to use that line for years!"

Asuka, Shinji, and Rei just looked on in confusion.

"Aw no," said Mari, "Don't tell me-**NONE** of you have ever seen _Ghostbusters_?"

All three nodded their heads.

"That does it," Kensuke declared, "I think I speak for the rest of us when I swear, sometime soon, we are solving that little problem."

"***AHEM***" cleared Asuka, wanting to shift subjects. "SO-who's up for staying the night? Come on, it'll be fun..."

"Thanks for the invite," a slightly-nervous Hikari began, "But I think I need to get back home soon-my sisters are probably expecting dinner."

"Uh, yeah, same here," said Toji, "I don't want my dad and sister worried."

"I just remembered," added a sheepish Kensuke, "I'm due for a battle with the rest of my MMORPG group in an hour. Heh-heh..."

"I've got to get back too-there's some paperwork demanding my attention," said Ritsuko.

"And I've got a...thing...that I have to take care of," said an evasive Kaji.

"*SIGH* I guess I'm staying since someone's gotta keep an eye on the 'baroness', and I'm a bit braver than you two chickens," said Misato. "Also, no offense, but Herr Blucher"-the sound of the horses was heard in the distance yet again-"still doesn't seem kosher to me."

"I'm in!" declared Mari, "I've always wanted to do one of those 'haunted house' sleepovers."

"It's NOT haunted," Asuka insisted. "What about you, First-er, Rei? (Sorry, old habits.)"

"I believe I will also spend the night here," the bluenette replied. "Shinji?"

"I'm staying." Shinji said, "Asuka, I promised you that I wouldn't run away anymore, and that still applies right now...Even if this place does give me the creeps."

With that, Ritsuko, Kaji, Hikari, Toji and Kensuke said their goodbyes and immediately headed out of the castle, piled into Kaji's car, and drove back towards Tokyo-3. The rest of the group were then shown by Herr Blucher to their rooms, with Asuka and Shinji in one, and Misato, Mari and Rei in the other.

"Would the major care for a brandy before retiring?" asked Herr Blucher.

"No, thank you," Misato replied, "not my usual choice of stiff drink."

"Varm milk...perhaps?"

"...No, thank you very much. No thanks."

"...Ovaltine?"

"...They still make that stuff?" Misato wondered. "Anyway, no thanks, NADA. We're all a bit tired."

"Very well," said Herr Blucher. "Good night to you all then. Pleasant dreams..."

"Uh, good night yourself, Herr Blucher," said Asuka, causing the horses to whinny in fright yet again.

With that, the respective occupants of both rooms closed their doors and headed to bed.

**END Chapter 2.**

***Author's Note(s)*  
Well, I've decided to keep this ball rolling. Let me know what you all think so far, and see if you can spot the shout-outs to other entries in the Franken-film canon peppered throughout the story.**


	3. Chapter 3 - Discovery

Chapter 3 - Discovery, or Carefully on Tiptoe Stealing

Sleep was a bit hard to come by in the room occupied by Rei, Mari and Misato for a couple reasons. The first was that Misato snored. Loudly. Without her being in her closed-off room to muffle it, it would've driven the other two residents of her apartment insane. Snoring, unfortunately, turned out to be a big pet peeve for Mari "Illustrious" Makinami. Her eyes shot open wide the minute Misato started snoring. It was aggravating. She tried stuffing tissue in her ears, to no avail. Finally, having had enough, she dug into her bag for something she knew she'd have a use for in case she encountered such an audible pestilence-breathing strips. She took one out of its wrapping and carefully placed it on Misato's nose. After a minute, the strip worked its magic, and Misato began to breathe a bit easier as she continued her apparently blissful slumber. A satisfied Mari then drifted back off to sleep herself.

The second reason didn't affect Misato or Mari, but did greatly hinder Rei's peaceful sleep. Misato's snoring she had more tolerance for; the sound of three black cats 'serenading' on the castle wall directly opposite the room's window, she did not. As soon as the cats started meowing in three-part harmony, Rei's eyes went completely open. In the days leading up to Third Impact's thwarting, she'd begun to explore and understand her emotions, long held in check by her cool and logical self. Right now, a couple of them had bubbled to the surface: frustration and annoyance. Normally, Rei liked most animals, but in this case, it only reaffirmed one of her few exceptions. She tried to first simply ignore the cats, but her patience-normally known for being near-boundless-was wearing thin. She then tried covering her ears with her pillow, but the meowing still came through. Finally, calling this the last straw, Rei got up from her bed and walked over to a small case on the bedroom wall she had spied earlier. On the glass was printed **"IN CASE OF NOCTURNAL NUISANCE, BREAK GLASS"**. She promptly took the tiny mallet off the hook it was hanging on, broke the glass with it, and pulled out an enormous leather hiking boot. With it in-hand, she walked over to the window and opened it, sticking her upper body outside. _Ruin my beauty sleep, will they? Not for long_, she thought. She glared down at the trio of black cats, now long into their particular rendition of Frank Sinatra's "Fly Me To The Moon"-her LEAST favorite song. Her red eyes never straying from the sight of the cats, she raised the hand that held the boot back, readying her throw. "WILL YOU CLAM UP!" she shouted as she chucked the boot at the middle cat with perfect aim. It was a direct hit, as the ebony tabby went flying off the wall with an astonished screech. His fellow felines took the hint that the set was done and quickly made a break for it. Their leader, who bore more than a passing resemblance to a cat seen often in the company of a certain teenage magic user, had landed (on his feet, of course) on a hay bale below the wall. He dusted himself off and then looked in our direction. "Sheesh, some days you just can't get in a good rehearsal," he said as he strolled off. Back up at the window, Rei breathed a sigh of relief as she then got back inside, closed the window, and slipped back into bed, where she resumed her trip to dreamland.

Meanwhile, in the other bedroom lay Asuka and Shinji. A short while after the encounter with the 11th Angel, Asuka had goaded Shinji into a kiss, but unexpectedly he got the signal and their romance had started to bloom. They had also confided in one another of the nightmares they'd had after the respective passings of their mothers, and learned that sleeping in the same bed together, holding one another, comforted them and held the dreams back, to the point when, long after the Angel War and thwarting of Third Impact, the dreams were pretty much done and over with. Now though, a new dream was stirring the normally fiery redhead in her sleep. "No, no...wait...what are you...saying...?" she mumbled drowsily. "What do you mean...What...? *GASP*" Asuka jolted upright, covered in a slight sweat. Shinji was stirred awake by his girlfriend's sudden movement.

"Asuka? Are you all right?" he asked with concern.

"I-I'm fine," she replied. "Just a bad dream."

"I thought we were done with those," said Shinji.

"No, this wasn't like the old ones," she responded, "This was different. I saw a guy in a lab coat with a thin mustache. He was waving his hands like he was trying to ward something off. He kept shouting the same thing, 'Destiny! Destiny! No escaping, that's for me!' over and over. I don't know where this is coming from."

"It's all right," Shinji said as he reassured her, "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, let's just try and get some sleep. We can talk it over in the morning." He then gave her a light peck on the cheek.

"Thanks. I really wanted to hear that," she said with a small smile, as she started to close her eyes-only for them to spring open (along with Shinji's) in surprise as they noticed a faint sound. It was very familiar to the two well-trained string instrument musicians: a violin playing "Night on Bald Mountain". The two got out of the bed and headed to the door, hoping to find the source of the music. Here they opened wide the door-darkness there, and nothing more. They then noticed they weren't the only curious souls with their door open, as they looked to the left and saw Misato and Rei poking their heads out.

"You hear it too?" their guardian asked.

"How couldn't we?" Asuka responded in a whisper. "That piece is almost synonymous with foreboding and approaching doom."

"Hey wait a minute-where's Mari?" Shinji asked.

"I believe I heard her quietly mumble about having to use 'the little girls' room'," Rei replied.

"All right, since it's clear we're not going to get any shuteye anytime soon," Asuka began to propose, "I'm gonna go find the source of that music."

"And what'll you do when you find it?" Misato asked skeptically.

Asuka answered, "I'm gonna either beat that violinist to a pulp, or smash that record player playing it to pieces. Either way, I'm ensuring I get my Z's."

"I figured as much," Misato sardonically responded. "Good thing I came prepared." As she said this, she brought out both her sidearm and a flashlight.

The quartet then started moving down the hallway towards the source of the music, their eyes looking all around on full alert. As they proceeded down the hallway, they tried a few doors to see if the music could be found behind them. The first door they tried opened into a brightly-lit ballroom, where to their astonished eyes, a 'Transylvanian Convention' was in full swing, with the oddly-dressed guests all singing and moving to some dance called the 'Time Warp'.

"Uh, Misato...?" Shinji began to ask.

"Some other time," she quickly replied.

"Fascinating," said Rei in an almost-Vulcan manner.

The quartet then moved on to another door. On opening it, they saw a lone woman sitting on her bed, only for a gigantic gorilla to come into view outside the window, break through said window (and wall) with his right hand, and grab her as he continued his climb upwards.

"Do you think we are interrupting something?" Rei asked.

"Uh...I'd say this one is out of our hands," replied Asuka, motioning for everyone to keep going like they hadn't seen a thing.

They then came to the last door on the right side of the hallway. Shinji turned the knob and proceeded to open it. What greeted them was a sight that could only be vaguely appreciated by dedicated art scholars. Seated around a table, small wisps of cigar smoke in the air above, was a group of werewolves in tailored suits playing cards. The group turned to see the four, momentarily diverted from their game and chit-chat. Rei's saucer-eyed reaction to the sight was pretty surprising for the other three; during her time as Gendo Ikari's pawn, she hadn't had much experience with a lot of things, including the world of art and the concept of artistic irony. The sight of the lupine card sharks proved to be a bit much for the former First Child.

"EEEEEEKKK!" Rei shrieked in fright. "They're dogs-and they're playing poker! AAAAHHH!" Her scream then turned into manic, hysterical laughter while she held her head in her hands, as if she were going insane. "Ah-hahahahah-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" While Shinji and Misato stood there stunned, Asuka, a slightly embarrassed look on her face, walked over to the werewolves' table, spying a bone.

"'Scuse me, can I borrow this?" she asked as she lifted the bone off the table. "Thanks."

She then walked back to Rei and proceeded to give her bluenette friend a mild 'bonk' on the head with the bone. It was enough to rattle Rei back to sanity.

"Many thanks, Asuka," she said as she thanked the redhead, "I really needed that."

"Anytime, Blue," said Asuka as she returned the bone to the werewolf at the table.

"Uh, yeah, we'll just leave you fine gentlemen to your game. Have fun!" Shinji sheepishly said as he closed the door behind him. The werewolves simply made a collective 'meh' gesture as they turned back to resume their hands.

Deciding to chance it just one more time, the four then opened the door opposite the lycanthropic poker room. Inside was a part of the castle that no one touring it earlier had bothered to check out: the library. Or rather, **A** library, since it had been speculated that there might be another one hidden somewhere in the bowels of the castle. In any event, rows upon rows of books lined the walls, while a comfy-looking easy chair sat in a corner next to the fireplace, a matching ottoman in front of it.

"Jeezus, look at all these first editions!" Misato marveled. "You could probably make a small fortune off of these things."

"Hmmm, now that you mention it..." mused Asuka as she mentally made a note to herself to follow up on Misato's suggestion.

"Hang on-do you hear that?" Shinji asked, motioning for everyone to quiet down a moment. Soon enough, they all heard the same thing: 'Bald Mountain' on the violin, though this time slightly louder.

"It appears the sound is coming from behind the walls," pointed out Rei.

"Which means," speculated Asuka, "there's got to be one of those secret passageways behind one of them. Spread out and see if you can find a switch or something."

All four then spread out to the four corners of the library as they searched every nook and cranny for some kind of mechanism. On their side, Shinji and Asuka determined that the sound was louder over here.

"Hey Shinji, hand me that candle over there, would you?" asked Asuka.

Shinji nodded and then lifted the candle off its wick, causing the bookcase to spin into the hidden passage-with Asuka along for the ride. Shinji gasped as he saw it happen, with Rei and Misato noticing it right away. On the other side of the wall, Asuka sternly made only one demand.

"PUT. THE CANDLE. BACK."

Shinji did as he was told, and upon the candle returning to its place, the bookcase spun again...only to go back to where it'd been before, with Asuka still on the other side.

"TRY. AGAIN. PLEASE."

"Hang on a minute, Asuka," Misato started, "I think I have it figured out. Shinji, when I give the word, put the candle back, lift it up quickly, and then put it back."

"Right, Misato," said Shinji as he got into place. Following the instruction given to him, he carefully put the candle back on the wick, causing the bookcase to spin again, before quickly lifting it up and then just as quickly putting it back down. This caused the bookcase to stop halfway, revealing the hidden passageway the four had been looking for.

"No turning back now-you all good to go?" Asuka asked.

All three of her friends nodded their heads as the group slowly made their way through the passageway. Occasionally, they'd cringe at the sight of a random rat or two, an errant bat, or the rare basement lizard. The one that really got Misato's goat the most she verbally made evident.

"Eeeewwww...Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes...?" Misato asked rhetorically with a tinge of unease.

"Different franchise, Major," said Rei.

Finally, they reached a foyer at the end of the passageway, coming upon a display of a human skull in various stages of decay.

"*UGH*" Misato let loose as they passed the skull marked '3 Years Dead'.

"_Mein Gott_," Asuka added.

The wincing continued as they passed a skull marked "2 Years Dead". Then the skull that was '6 Months Dead', which made them shudder. Finally, a head that was marked 'Freshly Dead', one that looked remarkably like-

"MARI?!" said a shocked Shinji.

Mari's head then smiled as she sang, making the quartet jump, "AAAAYYYYYY...Ain't got no-body, and no-body cares, for, me, yakatata-katakatata-ha!"

Asuka was not amused. "MARI!"

"Hey guys!" greeted Mari, as she came from behind the display shelf.

"How did you come to be down here?" Rei inquired.

"The dumbwaiter," Mari cheerfully replied.

"There's a dumbwaiter?" Misato asked.

"Yeah," Mari answered, smiling, "but he got fired for being bad at his job."

Back in Tokyo-3, in Misato's apartment, Pen-Pen the penguin, as if he were waiting for his cue, quickly played a rimshot on his drum kit.

"But really," Mari continued, "I heard some weird music playing and just followed it down. I thought they usually did it with a theremin for these kinds of things."

"Then that means there's someone else down here," Shinji nervously theorized.

"And there is only one other door," added Rei, who pointed to said door.

Misato stepped forward, gun and flashlight drawn, and pushed open the slightly-ajar door with her foot. When the quintet entered, they saw that it was still dark. They then noticed two nasty-looking power switches on the wall next to them. Rei nonchalantly stepped towards them and moved the right one, which turned the lights on to reveal that which they'd earlier in the day hadn't found before (much to Ritsuko's chagrin): the secret laboratory of Victor Frankenstein.

"How'd you know which one was the right switch?" asked Asuka.

"I didn't," replied a stone-faced Rei. That in turn raised the eyebrows of everyone but the bluenette.

"So, this is where it all happened, eh?" mused Misato as she glanced over the place.

"What a filthy mess," noted Shinji, ever the slight neat-freak.

"Oh I don't know," Mari started to say, "Throw on a fresh coat of paint, some flowers, a few throw pillows, and you'd have a pretty good bed-and-breakfast here."

"Sounds like our mystery violinist disap-" Asuka started before catching sight of the door on the other end of the room.

"Disa what?" Shinji asked.

"Peard," Mari finished.

"Shhh," Asuka emphasized to her friends, "there's a light coming from behind the door. Follow me and be very, VERY quiet."

The five slowly moved towards the door, which Asuka then gently, carefully opened. Once fully open, the group saw the room's interior, and the first thing to stick out was-

"The violin!" Mari exclaimed.

"But where's the player?" Misato asked.

"He definitely was here recently," Shinji noted, "The chin rest is still warm, as is the grip on the bow."

"And it would appear that whoever it was also had barely finished putting their cigar out," added Rei, pointing to the ashtray where a still-smoldering cigar was placed.

Asuka then took a look around the room, and a sudden realization hit her. "Guys-I know where we are. This has got to be Victor Frankenstein's private library."

The rest of the group looked around as well, and came to the same conclusion.

"And look-over there on the desk," Asuka pointed out as she walked towards it. She picked up the book that was on top and a look of astonishment adorned her face as she realized what she was holding. "This is it-Victor's journal! Everything he took down for his experiments!" She then held the book up for all to see. Printed on the cover was the title "How I Did It, by Victor Frankenstein". Underneath it was the following added in with different colors of pen ink: "Addendum by Henry Wolfgang Ludwig Frankenstein". Curious, Asuka opened the journal up and started reading. A few hours went by as she perused it more and more intently. The rest of the group found ways to kill time-Mari and Misato played cards, Shinji dabbled with the violin a bit, and Rei did a little meditation. Asuka finally started to become more audible as she read the last few lines of Victor's segment of the journal out loud.

"_Until, from the midst of this darkness, a sudden light broke in upon me, a light so brilliant and wondrous, and yet so simple_," Asuka read, "_Change the poles from plus to minus and minus to plus. I alone succeeded in discovering the secret of bestowing life. Nay, even more, I myself became capable of bestowing animation upon lifeless matter._"

There was a brief pause. It was broken when Asuka emitted a light giggle. A giggle that soon became more pronounced, turning into laughter. Near-maniacal laughter. Looks of worry and concern soon appeared on the faces of the others. Shinji, brave but with some trepidation, walked over to Asuka, her face hidden from view.

"A-A-Asuka?" he nervously began to ask. "Are you-are you feeling all right?"

Asuka slowly rose up from the chair she was in, and turned around. Even Mari of all people couldn't help but shudder at the sight of the devilish grin on Asuka's face and slightly wild look in her eyes. Asuka finally spoke after her fit of laughter:

"IT. COULD. WORK!"

**END Chapter 3.**

****Author's Note(s)**  
Uh-oh. Well that ain't good...**

**For the sake of clarity (and sanity), at the end of the concluded story I plan to include a list of the many nods, references, and homages used throughout, including those alluding to some varying fanfics here on the site. For example, Rei's feline-directed animosity (****_Rei vs. Cats_****) or Asuka and Shinji's sleeping breakthrough (****_Advice and Trust_****). Anyway, hope you all continue to enjoy the story. Tune in for the next installment: 'Designing Women'.**


	4. Chapter 4 - Designing Women

Chapter 4 - Designing Women

It was a pleasant morning in the Katsuragi apartment, a day or so after the events at the castle. Misato had already gone to work to face the Tribble-like paperwork she always dreaded, leaving the kids with the place to themselves. Shinji had just finished making breakfast, not only for himself and Asuka, but Rei and Mari, who'd decided to come over. Asuka was reading a passage from Victor's journal as she ate, while Rei was sketching in a notepad. It'd become apparent to her friends, both in the days leading up to and after Third Impact's thwarting, that Rei had a hidden artistic talent, one that she herself was all too eager to explore.

"Another tofu link, Rei?" Shinji offered.

"Yes, please," replied Rei as he put another link on her plate.

"Gotta say, Red-you weren't kidding when it comes to your boyfriend's culinary skills," Mari said as she complimented Shinji's cooking.

"'Course I wasn't," Asuka affirmed before she read another passage aloud. "_As the minuteness of the parts formed a great hindrance to my speed, I resolved therefore to make the creature of gigantic stature_. Well, like they say, sometimes bigger is always better."

"I still can't believe you're thinking of going through with this," Shinji said with worry in his voice. "We spent most of this past year confronting people messing with forces they barely understood, and now you want to do the same with this project?"

"Relax, Shinji-that's why I've been going over this valuable leather-bound piece of hindsight," assured Asuka, "To paraphrase another old saying, 'by learning from history, I won't repeat it'. I'll avoid making the same mistakes each Frankenstein made in a small number of ways."

"Such as?" asked Rei.

"For one thing," Asuka began, "no dead bodies will be harmed in the making of this creature. I've never done any grave-robbing in my entire life so far, and I don't plan on getting my hands literally dirty now. Second, I'm gonna make this creature female. All the previous attempts made by the Frankensteins altogether were a bit of a sausage-fest, if you catch my drift."

"A she-creature, eh?" Mari mused as she turned to look our way while giving a brief wink, "That's never been done before."

"Exactly!" Asuka continued, "Instead of a modern-day Prometheus, I'm gonna paint myself as more of a modern-day, more feminine Pygmalion, and this creature will be my Galatea-a literal statuesque beauty."

"So, going back to the whole 'giant-size' thing you were reading," said Shinji, "I'm guessing since she's going to be so tall and all that, you'll need to make sure everything's sized to fit-veins, muscles, nerves, organs..."

"Bingo," said Asuka.

"She is going to have quite the ample bosom," Rei bluntly added.

Shinji near choked on the orange juice he was drinking as he heard this, turning beet red as he coughed in an attempt to steady himself. Asuka on the other hand, just stared at Rei for a minute before she finally spoke. "Well...yeah, I guess that goes without saying. (Don't you dare get into hentai territory, baka!)"

"Heh," Mari chuckled, "She's gonna be VERY popular, I'll bet." She then jokingly made a wolf-whistle, followed by a 'hubba hubba'.

"So therefore," Asuka began to say, "I'm gonna be aiming for a woman standing at seven-foot-five, with a near-amazon like build."

"Something like this, perhaps?" asked Rei as she held up her notepad. The other three looked at the result of Rei's sketch work and were very impressed by it. The whole time they'd all been having this conversation, Rei had been sketching a concept illustration of Asuka's hypothetical woman, in the vein of Leonardo Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man.

"Rei, I don't know if anyone's told you this yet, but you are an artistic genius!" Asuka said as she heaped praise on the bluenette.

"So, since you won't be 'tapping the grave'," Mari started to inquire, "Where are you gonna get your 'raw materials'?"

"Oh, that'll be easy," Asuka answered with a bit of amusement in her voice, "Me and Rei are going to cash in a favor with a certain bottle-blonde..."

Later that afternoon, the red-and-blue-topped duo found themselves walking through NERV HQ straight to the office of Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. Compared to Misato's, Ritsuko's was a bit more well-managed and cleaner. A few personal decorative touches came in the form of a few bits of cat-themed merchandise (including the infamous 'Hang in there, baby!' motivational poster and a stuffed Garfield), and a framed photo of herself and Lt. Maya Ibuki from one of their first dates since recently getting together. Dr. Akagi herself was typing away on her computer when Asuka and Rei knocked on her door.

"Come in," she said.

The former Second and First Children then stepped into her office and closed the door behind them.

"Eh...what's up, doc?" Asuka cheekily asked.

Ritsuko mentally groaned at the greeting. _God, I hate it when people use that cliche_, she thought. She looked up from her monitor to see the two teen girls, and found herself slightly unnerved by the curious smile on Asuka's face.

"Um...What can I do for you two?" Ritsuko asked.

"Funny you should ask that," Asuka began. "Remember how we didn't find the castle laboratory the other day?"

"Yes, I was pretty disappointed," Ritsuko admitted, "but I'm over it. I guess some things just weren't meant to be..."

"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure..." said Asuka as she placed Victor's journal on Ritsuko's desk. The doctor's eyes went wide as she saw the old tome in front of her. She kept that look as she turned her face back up to Asuka.

"...You're not putting me on, are you?" Ritsuko asked with some slight hesitation.

"Aw, c'mon," Asuka sarcastically denied, "Me? Puttin' on the Rits?"

Back at Misato's apartment, the seemingly precognitive Pen-Pen once again played another rimshot on his drum kit.

Ritsuko, with a light bit of skepticism, carefully leafed through a few pages of the journal, her eyes growing wider and her mouth becoming agape with each passage she breezed through. Finally, she looked back at Asuka.

"How did you...?" she began to ask.

"All in due time, Doctor," Asuka quickly answered, "Right now though, I need a favor only you can grant. I promise there's something-maybe a couple of somethings-in it for you if you help."

"Are you seriously planning to do what I think it is you're planning to do?" Ritsuko hastily asked.

"Oh yes-BUT, unlike the Drs. Frankenstein," Asuka asserted, "I've figured out a cleaner way for the experiment to work, without the trouble of shopping in graveyards and morgues for key ingredients. Which is where you come in..."

"And how is that?" Ritsuko asked.

"Shinji and Misato told me a little while ago about how you showed them Terminal Dogma and all the Rei clones," Asuka recalled, "and about how, as a final middle finger to Commander Ikari, you dissolved every single one of them to nothing. But here's where it gets interesting: I don't think you got rid of all of them."

Ritsuko was, for a slight moment, taken aback by Asuka's theory. "I suppose you have a good explanation for how and why I wouldn't have gotten rid of every single clone."

"Look at it in a sense of historical analogy-the real ugly truth behind nuclear disarmament? You and I know that every government keeps at least one bomb, 'just in case'," Asuka speculated, a smug smile on her face. "I bet that Commander Asshat, deep down, thought that there'd be at least one outcome where you'd betray him and get rid of the clones, and the current Rei would have been compromised or killed in some fashion at the same time. So he had one clone secretly squirreled away 'in case of emergency'."

"And how can you prove such a spare exists?" Ritsuko pressed.

"I can answer that," Rei responded. "When you originally dissolved the other clones in the tank, I felt every one of them in their 'death throes'. Yet there was one unaccounted for, though I could never figure out where she was. Until now. I can sense she is still in some hidden chamber of Terminal Dogma, and you have recently figured out where it is."

Ritsuko did her best to disguise her gobsmacked feeling at hearing that, before responding with only one word: "Touché."

"Here's what I'm hoping to do," Asuka began, "I figure you must have a means of artificially aging a clone, which is perfect for the sizing needs in my experiment. Once aged up a bit, I'll inject the clone with a sample of cranial fluid to provide something of a mental template for the creature's mind. I'll then use the rebuilt Frankenstein apparatus to, in his words, bestow full life and animation upon said mass of...well, half-living tissue. From there, once she's fully cognitive and mobile, we give her the full 'My Fair Lady' treatment and make her into a regular, productive member of society."

"Surely, you can't be serious?" Ritsuko asked with the least subtle amount of skepticism.

"I am serious," Asuka answered, "and don't call me Shirley."

"Different franchise, Asuka," said Rei.

"Whatever," Asuka mildly retorted.

"And what does Rei get out of this?" Ritsuko asked with an eyebrow raised.

"I have the opportunity to help one of my erstwhile 'sisters' take the opportunity to make a life, an identity, for herself, after years of an existence dedicated to one single purpose," Rei answered sincerely.

"All right," Ritsuko acknowledged, "So what will I get out of this?"

"Why, doctor," Asuka replied, "YOU get the opportunity of a lifetime to participate in possibly one of the greatest discoveries in biological science since the mapping of the DNA molecule. Think about it-our names in every scientific journal, the book deals, the lecture tours, being in the running for a Nobel prize..."

"All tempting, I'll admit", said Ritsuko, "But what else could you have to convince me to join you in this little endeavor?"

Knowing it was time to break out the physical incentive, Asuka quickly took out two tickets from her pocket. "Here are two tickets for you and Lt. Ibuki for the upcoming new revival of _Cats_ on Broadway in New York City. I know you've been trying for months to get these tickets in advance; lucky for you, I called in a favor with an old college classmate of mine who works in the theater business for just the occasion. This, in addition to the all expenses paid flight and hotel stay."

Ritsuko was absolutely dumbstruck by this part of the offer; everything Asuka had said about her ticket search was true, and here the former pilot of EVA Unit-02 was offering them to her then and there. Regaining a bit of her composure after having taken a closer look at the tickets to see that they were the genuine article, she turned her focus back to Asuka, then held out her hand.

"Deal," she said, shaking Asuka's hand firmly, "But one more thing-this entire project cannot be mentioned to anyone, especially Misato."

"No worries," reassured Asuka, "The only other people assisting us are Rei here, Mari, and Shinji, who I've assigned a special duty for the experiment..."

"Very well," said Ritsuko, "I look forward to working with you, _Dr._ Sohryu."

**END Chapter 4.**


	5. Chapter 5 - Building the Perfect Beast

Chapter 5 - Building the Perfect Beast-er, Beauty

Even after its decommissioning in the wake of the Final Battle of Tokyo-3, Terminal Dogma still proved to impart a feeling of utter dread on anyone who walked its halls. It was evident on the faces of the three people currently passing through it. For Ritsuko, it brought back a few unpleasant memories; for Asuka, it lived up to everything Shinji and Misato had told her about it; for Rei, it felt like a tomb due to the events that transpired here. They were guided by Rei's Angelic senses toward some hidden chamber that would contain the supposedly intact remaining Rei clone, which would form the basis for Asuka's experiment. Finally, after what seemed like twenty minutes of going nowhere, Rei indicated towards a wall panel that seemed a bit out of place. Ritsuko touched it, its sensors registering the feel of one of three recognized entrants. The panel opened to reveal a keypad and a small computer monitor with a speaker.

"Recognized: Akagi, Ritsuko. Please enter key code for stage 1 identification," the computer voice implored.

Ritsuko then looked at Rei and Asuka before telling them, "You are to tell NO ONE this code, ever. Only myself, Prof. Fuyutsuki, and Gendo Ikari know this." She then entered the following key code on the pad: 1-2-3-4-5.

Asuka was dumbfounded by the code: "1-2-3-4-5? Seriously? That's the stupidest key code I've ever seen in my life! That's the kind of thing a baka would have on their luggage!"

"Well...," Ritsuko sheepishly implied, before flashing back to a meeting she had years prior with both Gendo and Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki in the former's office.

"Has the key code for the first stage access gate been set?" asked Gendo.

"Yes, sir," Ritsuko replied, "the key code is 1-2-3-4-5."

"1-2-3-4-5?" Gendo asked.

"Correct," Ritsuko clarified.

There was a brief minute of silence before the commander spoke again. "That's amazing-I have the same combination on my luggage."

Both Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki's eyebrows went up in surprise at the commander's statement.

"Very well," Gendo began, "that will be all-you are both dismissed."

As Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki both turned to exit the office, Gendo spoke up again. "Oh, and one more thing, Sensei."

Fuyutsuki turned to look at Gendo before asking, "Yes, sir?"

Gendo made one single request: "Change the combination on my luggage."

Fuyutsuki let out a slightly exasperated sigh before closing the door to the office.

Ritsuko got out of her flashback just as the door to the access point opened. She, Asuka and Rei then stepped inside, following the lights to the next access door with no doubt another intricate safeguard to go through. Sure enough, the sensors detected their approaching presence and laid out the next requirement for entry. Another monitor and a piano-like keyboard emerged from the right side of the doorway.

"Recognized: Akagi, Ritsuko. Please enter in correct musical note sequence for stage 2 identification" the computer voice directed.

A small string of music notes then appeared on the monitor.

"I shall handle this one," Rei indicated as she stepped towards the keyboard. Soon enough, Rei had correctly read the notes and played along with them in perfect sequence. The door then opened.

"What song was that?" Asuka asked.

"I believe it was called "Limbo Rock", by the American singer Chubby Checker," Rei replied.

Asuka and Ritsuko looked at one another, speechless, before the trio then moved on. They soon arrived at the final door, where the computer voice returned with the last entry requirement.

"Recognized: Akagi, Ritsuko. Please answer the following question for stage 3 identification: 'By law, what action is banned from all restaurants in Japan?'"

Asuka cleared her throat before she answered the question: "Tipping."

The computer voice received the answer: "Access granted." The door to the room then opened. Both Rei and Ritsuko looked at Asuka in wonderment before she preemptively answered their question.

"I learned that the hard way when I first arrived here. Not an experience I want to repeat ever again."

The three let the matter rest as they stepped into the newly-lit room. In the center was a lone pod full of LCL. Floating within was the object of their search: the last Rei clone. The canvas for Asuka's hypothetical being. A chance for Rei to do right by one of her 'sisters'. Ritsuko walked over to a small keypad next to the pod and started entering in some commands.

"The program I just started," Ritsuko explained, "will infuse the LCL with a specially-prepared bio-chemical cocktail that will age the clone up based on the specifications you provided. Once done, all we'll need to do is move the body to the castle lab."

The three then watched the process in motion. Over the course of an hour and a half, the clone grew taller and more womanly, until she finally resembled Yui Ikari well before the incident that trapped her within EVA Unit-01. The only differences were longer hair and a bit more muscle tone on her body.

**[In terms of a description, picture if you will a mix of Yui with Rei's coloring and Galatea from ****_Bubblegum Crisis: Tokyo 2040._****]**

The three, for a moment, stood in awe of the genetically-engineered woman before them.

"Wow, your new 'big sister' is one SEXY specimen, I gotta say," Asuka said in amazement. "And you were right on the money, Rei," she continued as she lightly elbowed her friend, recalling her statement in Misato's apartment a few days ago.

The process finished, Ritsuko entered in a few more commands to have the pod released from its confines and its wheels engaged for transport. The trio, after covering the pod with a tarp, then began wheeling the pod out of Terminal Dogma, heading to the elevator that brought them back up to the main levels of the Geofront. They were just about halfway to a parking garage where they could borrow a truck when they were approached by a NERV security guard. Ritsuko motioned for the two girls to act natural and try not to draw attention to the object.

"Afternoon, Dr. Akagi!" the guard greeted. "Oh-do you need a hand with that?"

"Uh, no thank you," Ritsuko replied, "I've already got two pairs here. But thank you all the same."

"No worries," the guard said, "And aren't you two former EVA pilots?"

"Uh, yeah!" Asuka answered, "Dr. Akagi's letting us shadow her for today. Part of a career thing at school."

"I do not believe we have met," Rei indicated, "I have met almost every member of the staff here at NERV, but your face is new to me."

"Oh that's right, I guess not everyone got the email yet," the guard surmised before introducing herself, "My name's Yamane, Erika Yamane." She then held her hand out and shook it with each of the three. "Well, you look like you're busy, so I guess I'll be seeing you around then." She waved and then walked off to continue her rounds.

"*PHEW* That was close," Asuka said with a sigh of relief, "Now all we need is for Shinji to come through with the other component..."

_I would make one LOUSY spy_, Shinji thought to himself as he made his way through NERV Central to his destination. _How the hell did Kaji do it all this time?_

Earlier, Asuka had given him his assignment: he was to go to Lab 4-B and retrieve a vial of cranial fluid to be used for the clone. The vials were part of a NERV scientist's proposal to Dr. Akagi for an alternative means of memory backups for the Rei clones, but had been dismissed by her because he'd somehow acquired samples of cranial fluid from Misato, Asuka, and even Ritsuko's own mother, the late Naoko Akagi (the guy having 'sampled' from her mother being something Ritsuko was NOT happy about). It was that last one that Shinji was assigned to acquire; Asuka had sold Ritsuko on the idea of having her mother's great intellect be reborn and able to contribute to the scientific community once again. The weight of this responsibility made Shinji all the more nervous as he kept going towards the lab. To help ease his mind, he mentally played any music piece that was a good fit for 'sneaking around'. He started with Henry Mancini's theme from _The Pink Panther_, then the James Bond theme, David Holmes' 'Hollywood, CA' from _Ocean's Eleven_-even "Minnie the Moocher" from _The Blues Brothers_. Finally, he managed to get into the lab, thanks to the access code and card Ritsuko provided. As soon as he stepped inside, he slowly made his way to the back shelf where the vials were kept. He found a set labeled 'Cranial Fluid Samples-Rejected Experiment'. He was about to reach for one of the vials marked with Naoko Akagi's name when he was startled by the movement of a couple of lab mice in a nearby cage, causing him to jump and shift his hand slightly to the side. He resumed his grabbing the vial, and placed it into a small cotton ball-lined pen box (similar to the kind found at Tiffany & Co.), secured it with some twine, and put it in his pocket. Shinji then made his way out of the lab, unaware that he had grabbed one of the vials marked with the name Misato Katsuragi...

Shinji made his way back through the hallways of NERV HQ, doing his best to remain inconspicuous. To keep him focused, the classical musician in him caused him to softly sing a tune from a certain operetta:

_Carefully on tiptoe stealing,_

_breathing gently as we may._

_Every step with cautioned feeling,_

_we will softly steal away._

His train of thought was briefly interrupted by some nearby chatter, causing him to duck behind a tall indoor plant.

_Goodness me, why what was that?_

_Silent be, it 'twas the cat._

_It 'twas, it 'twas, the ca-at._

_That's right, it 'twas the cat..._

Or more specifically, Katsuragi, as in Misato, who was chatting with Kaji as they strolled through the hallway. Shinji waited for them to pass him by before he continued on. As soon as he felt the coast was clear, he started on his way again, only for Misato and Kaji to notice, much to his chagrin.

"Hey, Shinji!" Misato greeted, "Didn't see you there for a minute. What's going on?"

"Oh, uh," Shinji nervously started to say, "Nothing really. Dr. Akagi just sent me to fetch something for her. Nothing too big."

A slight trace of skepticism crept onto the faces of Misato and Kaji as they looked at one another briefly.

"And what was that song you were singing earlier?" Misato asked.

"Oh, that?" Shinji nervously replied. "I'm just doing a little rehearsal-the school's putting on a production of _The HMS Pinafore_, and I thought I'd audition."

"Gilbert and Sullivan, eh?" said Kaji. "Didn't know they were going that route for school plays these days."

"Well, the drama teacher wanted to try something new for a change," Shinji added to his cover story. "Anyway, don't wanna keep Dr. Akagi waiting, see you later!" He then turned and started walking a bit faster down the hall until he felt he was out of sight.

Misato and Kaji stood there, both slowly coming to the same idea.

"He's hiding something, isn't he?" Misato asked her spook of a boyfriend.

"Oh yeah," Kaji replied, "Plain as the nose on his face. Shall we quietly tail him?"

"I don't want Shinji to feel that I don't trust him," Misato answered, "but something's been fishy with him and especially Asuka these past few days, and I want to find out what."

"All right, but let's try not to give too much of ourselves away," Kaji cautioned.

"Don't worry," Misato assured, "this isn't my first stakeout".

The covert duo then proceeded to silently follow Misato's ward as he made his way to the rendezvous he and Asuka worked out with Ritsuko. Soon he was in said parking garage, where he met back up with Asuka, Rei and Ritsuko at the truck they had checked out, where the clone pod had already been loaded.

"Have you got it?" Asuka asked.

"Right here," Shinji answered as he drew the box from his pocket.

"Perfect," said Asuka, "Let's book it. To the castle!"

All four got into the truck and then proceeded to head out of the Geofront, unaware they were being followed in a black Section-2-issue sedan occupied by Misato and Kaji (in lieu of Misato's Alpine Renault, which would've caused them to stick out like a sore thumb immediately).

The truck was soon on its way towards the castle on the outskirts of Tokyo-3, for the most part unaware of the sedan on their tail. After an uneventful drive, they pulled up to a rear entrance of the castle, where they could unload the pod and wheel it into the lab. Mari was waiting for them by said entrance when they pulled up.

"Is everything ready?" Asuka asked her bespectacled friend.

"Does it take 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" Mari replied with a grin.

"Must've been quite the cleaning crew you hired," Asuka mused, "How'd you get them to keep the lab a secret?"

"I told them it was part of a new tourist attraction that wouldn't open for another couple of months," Mari eagerly explained, "and that the secrecy was part of the hype build-up. They bought it, don't worry."

Asuka then took a look at the sky. She'd consulted a number of weather reports earlier in the week, and saw that they'd been right in the chances for an electrical storm this evening. Everything had to be perfect for the experiment to work, especially the factor of the elemental forces she was going to call upon.

"Good," Asuka said, "then let's get this party started."

Everyone soon made their way into the lab, unaware that Misato and Kaji had snuck in after them. Once inside, Asuka donned a lab coat and a pair of rubber gloves as she and Ritsuko placed the pod upright. Ritsuko then had Shinji hand her the vial, where she then extracted its contents into a syringe and carefully injected the cranial fluid into the woman's skull. Entering in a command on a keypad on the side of the pod, the LCL was then drained into a large basin that was then wheeled away by Shinji and Mari. Ritsuko, Rei and Asuka then carefully lifted the woman out of the pod and quickly dressed her in a flowing white smock, and then laid her down on an operating table that'd been placed on a platform held by steel chains. Shinji and Mari came over to see the being at the heart of Asuka's experiment for the first time as the rest of the group attached various electrodes to her person. They were stunned.

"She's beautiful," Shinji commented in awe.

"She's gawgeous," Mari playfully intoned in a Brooklyn accent.

"And she's mine" Asuka said with a smile on her face.

Everyone could hear the wind start to pick up, along with a few instances of thunder in the distance, via the open roof of the castle.

"Hurry now," Ritsuko warned, "we're fighting time and the elements here."

"Are you sure this is how they did it?" Shinji asked.

"Of course it is, yeesh!" Asuka retorted, "It's all written in the journal's notes! Mari, did you make sure the kites were tied off?"

"The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind," Mari answered as she pointed to the roof, where two kites attached to a few lightning rods via electrical wire were already caught in the updrafts.

"All right then," said a reassured Asuka, "Rei, how's the generator looking?"

"All signs are good," the bluenette responded. Asuka then signaled for Rei and Mari to start turning the machinery on. Soon various lights, switches and dials were glowing, as small arcs of static electricity traveled along the Tesla coils of one part of the apparatus. Larger portions of the machinery were soon humming with activity after so many years of inactivity.

"Great," said Asuka, "Shinji, get ready to release the safety valve on the main wheel. Oh and, goggles everyone!"

Misato and Kaji, observing from behind a nearby corridor, couldn't believe the scene that was unfolding before them. That was when they decided to step in.

"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" a none-too-pleased Misato demanded.

"Misato?" Shinji said as he jumped in surprise. "What are-?"

"How did you two find us?" Asuka asked.

"Let's just say your boyfriend's a terrible liar," Kaji said, "a good cellist, a great cook, but a terrible liar."

"You gave them the Gilbert and Sullivan excuse, didn't you?" a disappointed Asuka asked Shinji.

"Sorry," Shinji said, having not yet gotten past his habit of constant apologies.

"Asuka, this is freaking crazy!" said Misato. "You don't know what you're doing!"

"I went over every inch of this experiment with a fine-toothed comb, Misato," Asuka said in defense of herself, "And Dr. Akagi here double-checked on my behalf."

"It's true, Misato," said Ritsuko, "I also told her that as a condition of giving her my help, I'd be the one to decide if it'd gone too far and put an end to it. For now, just let her work this out. I'll stand ready if it hits the fan."

Seeing how it was almost too late for them to argue any further, Misato and Kaji reluctantly stepped back to a safe distance while Mari handed them a couple pairs of goggles that they then put on.

"This is the moment, Shinji," said Asuka as she took his hand, "Are you ready?"

"I am," Shinji replied.

"Good. Elevate me," Asuka directed.

Shinji's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Wait, now? Right here?"

"*SIGH* YES, baka, elevate THE PLATFORM," Asuka clarified.

"OH-right," Shinji said sheepishly as he pulled the switch, causing the platform to begin its ascent.

Asuka then began to speechify as the platform continued to rise above the floor. "From the fateful day when our earliest ancestors first crawled out of the primordial soup and raised their voices to the skies "I am human!", our greatest fear has always been knowledge of our own mortality. Tonight, we face that fear and hurl the javelin of modern science right into death's face! Tonight, we rise up to the heavens, moon the typhoon, give the earthquake the bird, blow raspberries to volcanic eruptions, boss around the great hurricane and bring down the walls of Jericho of nature itself!"

By the time she finished, the platform was in place at the top, awaiting the storm.

Asuka commanded: "Rei, when I give the word, throw the first switch!"

"Understood," replied Rei with her hand already on said switch.

The thunder was getting closer, the lightning brighter.

"Get ready!" Asuka implored.

Closer.

"Get set!"

Closer.

"NOW!"

Rei then threw the switch, and the machinery began to act. Sparks flew as gears ran fast, while the arcs of static became larger and brighter on the Tesla coils. Chemicals churned and bubbled. Soon the currents began to draw in the oncoming lighting bolts.

"Mari, throw the second switch!" Asuka commanded.

Mari did as she was told and threw the switch. The machinery's noise began to grow louder.

"Dr. Akagi, throw the third switch!"

"Not the third switch?!" Shinji worriedly asked.

"Throw it!" Asuka demanded, "Throw it I say!"

Ritsuko, with some reluctance, proceeded to throw the third switch. The noise was now almost-deafening.

Asuka, with a wild look on her face, began shouting to the sky. "LIFE! Life, do you hear me?! Give my creation LIFE!"

Lightning struck the kites, sending super-powerful currents traveling along the wires connected to the electrodes attached to the creature. The woman glowed briefly, and a chemical reaction caused the color of her hair to change...Into a certain shade of purple...

Asuka then signaled to Shinji and the others down below. "Turn everything off, and bring me down!"

Shinji turned the switch in reverse, and soon the platform descended back into the laboratory while Rei and Mari switched the machinery off. Soon, everyone scrambled around the table as Asuka and Ritsuko began searching for a pulse in the creature. Shinji, out of the corner of his eye, noticed that her hair had changed color-one to a shade of purple not unlike that of the woman next to him...

_Uh-oh_, he thought as he started to make an unpleasant realization.

Asuka and Ritsuko finished their search, even trying chest compression to jump-start the creature's heart. All they got for their efforts was-

"Nothing," a disheartened Asuka uttered as she slumped in defeat.

"Asuka," Shinji began to say, "I'm so sorry."

"It's all right, Asuka," Ritsuko consoled, putting a hand on the girl's shoulder, "If there's one thing science teaches us, it's that we must always accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace."

"Yes-you're right, Doctor," Asuka affirmed with melancholy.

"Come on-let's head upstairs," Misato suggested. "I think you could use a bit of rest."

As the group turned to head up, Asuka then swiftly turned back, with an infuriated look on her face, and started beating up on the still creature. "YOU BIO-ENGINEERED BIMBO, I'll get you for this! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!" Asuka yelled hysterically as Mari and Rei tried to restrain her. "What did you do to me? What did you do?!"

"Asuka, Asuka, calm down! You're killing her!" Shinji pleaded.

"VERDAMMIT! VERDAMMITT!" gritted Asuka through her teeth in fury. She then finally broke down in tears.

Rei then turned our way and said the following, rolling her eyes: "Quiet dignity and grace."

Asuka only said one thing in her despair as she was carried off upstairs: "Oh, mama..."

**END Chapter 5.**


	6. Chapter 6 - First Steps (and Stumbles)

**Two days earlier, Berlin's capitol building...**

A small committee was in the middle of a meeting, the subject being one that hadn't been discussed in these halls for quite some time: the Frankenstein legacy. Specifically, a legacy whose physical representation was now in the hands of a 14-year-old girl, and a former EVA pilot at that.

"I'm telling you, we have nothing to worry about with this Asuka Langley Sohryu," one official said. "Yes, she can be seen as a handful as her file indicates, but there is nothing there to indicate that she could somehow fall into the, shall we say, family business."

"And I say no matter how distant a relative she is," a second official countered, "she is still a Frankenstein by blood-and they're all the same! They can't help it-that scientific acumen of theirs drives them to leave their mark on the world by any means necessary. Add in her time as an Evangelion pilot, which put her in control of one of the most powerful weapons ever invented, and there's no telling what she could do after that!"

"Enough of this!" a third official barked, "I will not have our meeting devolve into an all-out brawl. These are some very serious allegations you're making here. All the more painful due to the impact the Frankenstein legacy has left on our part of the world. Which is why I have asked someone to give their take on the situation. Inspector Kemp, what do you have to say?"

Their attention turned to a brunette woman standing against one of the walls of the meeting room. She was tall, fairly attractive, and wore a dark gray overcoat. She sported an eye patch and had a prosthetic left arm, both injuries she sustained during her time as a soldier during the post-Second Impact wars. A serious expression adorned her face as she looked up to face the committee members. She then stepped over to say her piece.

"Ladies und gentlemen," she began, "ve must take care to avoid any rash actions regarding this situation. Vhen dealing vith the Frankenstein situation two centuries before, riots broke out among the citizenry, and vonce a riot is started, there is little chance of stopping it, lest it be met vith force. Therefore, it is my suggestion that before ve go around pointing guns at people, ve had better make DAMN certain that our fears and claims are vell-founded, that the evidence is there. Thus, ve must confirm that the young Miss Sohryu either IS or IS NOT following in her ancestor's footschteps."

"What?" all the committee members asked in confusion.

Inspector Kemp sighed as she took the cigarette out of her mouth and put it out. "Following in her ancestor's footschteps, her FOOTschteps," she clarified with a motion of her foot moving up and down.

"OH, her footSTEPS" the committee said.

The inspector then made her intentions clear. "By your leave, I vill fly to Tokyo-3 and pay Miss Sohryu a little visit, and have a good talk vith her. I already have a colleague in the area that I can make the arrangements vith."

The head committee member then nodded her head, and soon Inspector Helena Kemp was on her way out of the conference room to make all her travel arrangements...

**Present day, evening at Castle Frankenstein, on the outskirts of Tokyo-3...**

It had been a tiring day for everyone present in the dining room of the castle. While some of the group were having a quiet dinner, others were passing the time in their own ways. Rei was reading a book she had picked off the shelf, a copy of the collected works of Lord Byron. Mari had challenged Dr. Akagi to a game of chess using a board on a table near the fireplace. Mari showed a look of annoyance after Ritsuko made a winning move.

"Checkmate," said Ritsuko.

Mari frowned before asking rhetorically, "Anyone ever tell you you're pretty devious, Doctor?"

Ritsuko smiled a bit smugly before replying, "All the time in college. Misato and Kaji can attest to that."

A smile then appeared on Mari's face as she came up with a way to surprise the good doctor. "Before I came to Tokyo-3, how much of my file did you happen to read? See anything about my lightning-fast reflexes?" she asked, feigning innocence.

"I did give it a brief glance at one point," Ritsuko replied, "and I did see one mention of your reflexes."

"Care for a demonstration?" Mari asked.

"How so?" Ritsuko replied, mildly curious.

"See your black king?" Mari pointed to the chess piece in question. "Put your hands on both sides of it, and when I say 'go', try and grab it first."

Ritsuko eyed the chess piece, and with some reluctance, put her hands on each side of the piece on the board.

"Ready?" asked Mari.

"Ready" replied Ritsuko.

Mari licked her lips in anticipation. Neither one took their eyes off the other. There was a silent pause in the air.

"GO!" said Mari.

Ritsuko quickly closed both hands together around the piece. She smiled, feeling like she'd won, until she opened her hands up to find...nothing there. Her eyes went wide in astonishment. She then looked up at a grinning Mari, the black king held between her right thumb and finger.

"Looking for this?" she coyly asked as she handed the piece back to Ritsuko.

"I'll be Newton's apple," Ritsuko marveled.

Rei, having caught a bit of the exchange briefly, turned back to her book.

Asuka was feeling depressed over the failure of the experiment, and it showed. Shinji, Misato and Kaji were worried about her. Each tried to cheer her up.

"Asuka, don't do this to yourself," said Shinji, "Just stop thinking about it. I mean look, you haven't even touched your food."

"Which is weird, considering you love Shinji's cooking," Misato added.

Asuka, feeling a bit surly, briefly poked the pork chop on her plate with her finger.

"There, now I've touched it. Happy?" Asuka said begrudgingly.

"Look, Asuka, if it helps, I've had my fair share of bungled ops," Kaji said reassuringly. "What's important is where you go from there. You gonna wallow in despair all the time over a failed experiment?"

"Maybe you're right," Asuka replied. "That poor, lifeless woman. Maybe she's better off this way."

Meanwhile, in the laboratory, unbeknownst to the party in the dining room, a finger on the woman's hand stirred. Then the whole hand...

"I've got something guaranteed to put a smile on your face," Shinji offered Asuka in a sing-song voice as he wheeled out a platter that he then uncovered, revealing a tasty-looking dessert.

"What is it?" Rei asked as she looked it over.

Asuka did nothing to hide the overjoyed gleam in her eyes as she smiled at her boyfriend. "OOH, _Schwarzwalder Kirschtorte_! My favorite!" She then planted a kiss on his right cheek.

"Translated, it's a Black Forest cake, Rei," Kaji replied.

"Shinji's been working to get the recipe right," Misato added, "looks like he succeeded."

Everyone soon helped themselves to a slice of the cake. Shinji's ears perked up a bit when he heard a "_Mmm_" coming from somewhere. He turned his attention to Mari.

"Oh, do you like it?" he asked. "This is pretty good, if I do say so myself."

Mari looked at him in confusion. "What're you talking about?" she asked.

"The cake," Shinji replied. "You just made a 'mmm' sound, so I thought you liked it."

"I didn't make any noise," said Mari.

"Me either," added Asuka.

"Likewise," added Rei.

"Not us," added Ritsuko, Kaji and Misato.

"Well, I didn't make any sound..." said Shinji.

"_MMMMMM..._"

That was when the eyes of all seven people perked up as they finally heard the audible sound, which came from the direction of the lab.

"It couldn't be..." Ritsuko trailed off as everyone put their plates down and bolted downstairs for the lab. When they got there, their eyes beheld an eerie sight; for the creation, from her slab, began to rise, and suddenly, to their surprise...She swung her legs and knocked over a crate next to the table.

Asuka started to giggle. As she continued, a wicked grin appeared on her face, which she briefly covered with her hands. Finally, she spoke:

"It's alive...It's ALIVE...IT'S ALIVE!" she cried as she threw her hands in the air in triumph.

"And kicking," added Mari, eyeing the overturned crate.

In Misato's apartment, Pen-Pen played another rimshot.

Asuka slowly walked over to the she-creature.

"_Guten tag, mein schön_," Asuka greeted her creation. "Welcome to the world." She quietly motioned her eyes to Dr. Akagi and whispered "Is the sedative ready?"

"It is, don't worry," Ritsuko whispered in turn, carefully keeping the syringe on-hand.

Asuka then eyed the she-creature again. "It's all right, it's okay. Please, sit up."

"Mmmm," the she-creature responded as she sat upright.

"All right," said Asuka as she motioned to the ground, "now, stand up on your feet."

"Mmmm," the she-creature intoned as she slowly, carefully moved off the table and onto her feet.

"Okay now," Asuka began, "You can do this-now, walk towards me. That's it, don't be shy..."

As she began taking baby steps, the she-creature looked past Asuka at the other people behind her. Her gaze traveled from Shinji, to Rei, to Mari, to Ritsuko, then to Misato, before it fell upon Kaji. As if she recognized the unshaven ex-spy, a look of anger immediately formed on the woman's face.

"RRRRRaaagh!" she growled as she leaped towards Kaji, to the shock of everyone else present.

"WHOA!" Kaji said as he found himself tackled to the ground by the she-creature. He then found himself unable to break free from the wrestling hold she had him in.

"What is it? What's wrong?" a bewildered Asuka tried to ask the creature as everyone looked on in fright.

"Uncle! Uncle!" he grunted as he kept 'tapping' on the ground. She soon had him in a headlock with a strong right arm.

"Quick, give her the-" Kaji attempted to say before the headlock caused him to gag.

"What? Give her what?" Shinji asked, trying to understand.

"Give her the-" Kaji tried again as the headlock cut him off again. He then tapped three fingers on his left arm, like one would do in Charades.

"Ooh! Ooh! Three syllables!" Mari said.

"Hmm," Rei began, "First syllable, sounds like..."

"Head!" Misato finished, "Sounds like 'head!"

"Bed? Uh, said?" Asuka guessed. "_Gott_, I was never good at this game..."

"No no, that was it Asuka, said!" said Misato.

"Said. All right, second syllable," said Shinji, "smaller word. This? That? The?"

"A?" asked Rei, "Said a...?"

"Said a...," Mari started to form, "Dirty word! He said a dirty word!"

Everyone but Mari and the she-creature had a large sweatdrop emerge on their faces.

"Wait," Misato said, "Sounds like-"

"To give?" Rei guessed.

"Sedagive?" Asuka guessed, "Give her a sedagive!"

Ritsuko, at this point, face-palmed before spelling it out to everyone. "He's saying give her a SEDATIVE, you ditzes!" Ritsuko then got out the syringe, carefully crept behind the she-creature, and swiftly delivered the needle right into her posterior.

"YIPE!" the she-creature let out from the brief prick of pain. The sedative was fast-acting, as the she-creature then collapsed onto Kaji. Misato and Ritsuko lifted her off of him and placed her back onto the table. Kaji glared at Asuka briefly.

"SEDAGIVE?" he asked, very little amusement in his voice. Asuka looked away sheepishly.

"You all right?" asked Mari.

"I've been through worse," Kaji replied. "Reminds me of my frat days. Just when I think I'm out, they keep pulling me back in."

"Different franchise, Mr. Kaji," said Rei.

"Shinji," Asuka began, "may I speak to you for a moment?"

"Uh, yes?" answered a worried Shinji as he came to her side.

"Now Shinji, that cranial fluid sample I had you acquire-was it labelled 'Naoko Akagi'?" Asuka sternly asked.

"Um...no," Shinji softly replied.

"I see," Asuka simply said. "Would you mind telling me just WHO that cranial fluid came from?"

"...Promise you won't be mad?" Shinji asked in turn.

"I will NOT be mad," Asuka replied, "you're my boyfriend, and I love you; you've got nothing to fear."

"*GULP* Um..." Shinji began, "it came from a Ms. Suragi Ottokatt."

Asuka looked at him skeptically with one furrowed eyebrow. "Ms. Suragi Ottokatt."

"That was the name, I swear," Shinji said with apprehension.

Asuka lightly chuckled before she spoke again. "So, you're telling me, that Dr. Akagi and I injected a sample of _MISATO'S_ cranial fluid-"

Misato's eyes went wide and her eyebrows furrowed at Ritsuko with fury. "You **WHAT**?"

"-Into a seven-and-a-half-foot tall, HALF-Angelic, super-humanly-strong..." she continued while her hands found themselves around Shinji's neck as she started strangling him Homer Simpson-style, "...AMAZON?! IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?"

"Quick! Quick!" Shinji pleaded to the others, "Give her a GAK-!"

"What?" Rei asked. "Three syllables, yes..."

The ruckus was interrupted by a loud knock at the front door of the castle. Everyone dropped what they were doing.

"Crap-we can't let anyone see all this," Misato realized, "Kaji, go upstairs and answer the door, see who it is. Mari, Rei, you two strap the creature down tightly." She then turned to Ritsuko, Asuka and Shinji. "YOU THREE have a lot of explaining to do when we get a moment's peace. Right now, we're all going to wash up and prepare to act normal around whoever our unexpected visitor is. **GOT IT**?"

All three nodded in compliance. It was clear they were dealing with tactical Misato instead of laid-back Misato right now.

Kaji straightened his trademark tie as he headed to the door, just as a second knock had been heard. He took a breath and then opened the door, a look of utter surprise adorning his face as he recognized the person on the other side.

"Oh boy..." he said, dreading what was to come.

"_Guten abend_, Herr Kaji. It's been a vhile..." greeted Inspector Kemp.

A few minutes later, the others walked into the lobby, where they met Kaji and the new arrival. Misato immediately recognized her as well.

_Oh, great..._ she mentally groaned. _Of all people to walk in right now-_

"Major Katsuragi, it has been so long," greeted Inspector Kemp, "I haven't seen you since our days in fatigues."

"I know, right? It's been a dog's age," Misato replied, manufactured cheeriness hiding a slight unease in her voice.

"Misato, who is this?" Asuka inquired scornfully.

"Everyone," Misato began, "this is Lt. Colonel Helena Kemp. We both served in the UN armed forces during the Post-Second Impact Wars, and these days she's, like Kaji, a UN special inspector, representing Germany."

"Oh," Asuka said, "So...what brings you here, Inspector?"

"Miss Asuka Langley Sohryu, I presume?" the inspector asked as she held out her hand to Asuka, who promptly shook it. "I do apologize, I vould not have intruded on your evening vere it not a matter of grave importance. One that I must discuss vith you."

"OH! You flew all the way from the motherland just to see little old me?" Asuka asked, maintaining her polite facade in front of the newcomer. "I don't mind at all, not really." She then turned to Ritsuko, Rei, Mari, and Shinji. "You guys head to bed, I'm sure you're all tired. I'll catch up as soon as I'm done speaking with the inspector." She then turned back to Inspector Kemp. "What do you say we have our talk over a game of darts in the study?" the redhead asked.

"Ah, I vas told about your competitive spirit," Kemp replied, "I vould be honored to test my skill vhile ve have our nice-little-CHAT."

Soon, Asuka, Kemp, Kaji and Misato were in the study, with the latter two watching the former two go at it on the dartboard.

"HA! Monsters, Inspector?" Asuka asked with a laugh. "Last I checked, me and the other EVA pilots pretty much slayed the Angels, so no one's dealing with monsters for a long time. In other words, monsters, as we know them, are quite passe." As she said this, she threw a dart that landed almost three inches from the center of the board.

"Excellent shot, Miss Sohryu," Kemp said, "and ja, monsters may be passe of late-but not to the people who sent me. To them, monsters are still very real, especially vhen it comes to the Frankenstein brand. And vith your recent inheritance of this castle, they see that they have every right to be concerned, especially given your status and reputation as a scientific prodigy."

While Asuka turned to the fireplace for a moment to ask Misato and Kaji a question, Kemp took the opportunity to quietly step over to the board and put all her darts in the center. She then just as silently stepped back, and made some well-disguised sounds like she was throwing all four darts at a time. Asuka, Kaji and Misato turned around at the sound, and were stunned to see all of Kemp's darts on the board, right in the center. Misato spit out her drink upon seeing this.

"Nice grouping," Kaji commented in disbelief.

"_Danke_," thanked Kemp.

"Anyway," Asuka started, "I wouldn't think that an intelligent, well-traveled woman like yourself would fall for this kind of superstitious drivel."

"It is not superstition that vorries my superiors, Miss Sohryu," Kemp replied, "but rather genetics, chromosomes..."

"Dr. Akagi would probably disagree with you," Asuka retorted in a polite manner as she readied her arm for another dart throw.

"Yes, she might," Kemp continued, "but as far as said superiors are concerned, this is still Castle Frankenstein, and no matter how distant the relation, to them you are still a Frankenstein."

That last comment just ticked off Asuka enough for her to accidentally miss the dartboard, though the dart did find its way to a different target: a black cat outside. Said cat wasn't too happy. "YEOWCH! Hey watch it, lady-I'm a cat, not a pincushion!"

"HUH?" Asuka, Misato and Kaji all said, wide-eyed at the open window.

"Whoops-I mean, meow," said the cat, trying to cover up his break in character.

"You seemed unusually upset by this discussion, Miss Sohryu," Kemp noted.

"Oh, not at all!" Asuka said with a manufactured smile on her face. "I just found it very amusing. (Yeah, that's the ticket.) Well, it's been all good, but if you don't mind, Inspector, I REALLY need to get my beauty rest."

"Then I suppose I can report to my superiors your complete assurance that monster-making is not in your future?" Kemp asked.

"Mmmm" said a voice in the distance, causing Misato and Kaji to go wide-eyed. _OHGODOHGODOHGOD..._, they both worriedly thought.

"I take it that's a yes?" Kemp asked again.

"Mmmm," replied Asuka, using all her willpower to keep her mask of normality up.

"Very vell then," said Kemp as she turned to leave. "I vill be in town for a few more days to take care of some other business. But make no mistake, I VILL be keeping my ear to the ground, and should you make any significant career choices..."

"Say no more," said Asuka assuredly, "I trust you can find your way back to the city?"

"Of course," Kemp replied. "Until ve meet again, Miss Sohryu."

"Likewise, Frau Kemp," said Asuka. "_Auf Wiedersehen!_"

As soon as Kemp got in her car and drove off, Kaji, Asuka and Misato all breathed huge sighs of relief as they each slumped into an easy chair.

Meanwhile, down in the laboratory, Herr Blucher made his way towards the she-creature. He looked upon her as if she were an innocent child.

"Don't be afraid, my child," the caretaker said, "I'm going to set you free. Would you like that? They just want to hurt you, exploit you-but I will help you."

The she-creature, noting the newcomer and somewhat understanding his words, nodded her head.

"Thank _GOTT_ that's over," said an exasperated Asuka. "Let's get back down to the lab and put the creature under again. I don't want any surprises in the middle of the night."

"No kidding," Misato agreed. All three then descended the stairs into the lab, where they came upon the surprising sight of-

"Herr Blucher?" all three wondered in aloud.

"Stay back-all of you," he commanded, his hands working to undo the straps holding the she-creature down, "do NOT come any closer."

"I KNEW this guy wasn't kosher!" said Misato as she drew her gun and pointed it at the caretaker.

"Whaddya think you're doing?" Asuka asked.

"I'm going to set her free," Herr Blucher replied, a sinister grin on his face.

"Are you nuts? You don't know what she'll do if she's loose!" Kaji exclaimed.

"Oh, but I do," the caretaker said.

"But she might kill you!" Asuka pleaded.

"No, she will not-not this one," Herr Blucher countered, "she's as gentle as a lamb."

"Mmm", the she-creature sounded.

"Gentle as a lamb? Seriously?" Asuka said, pointing to Misato. "She's got part of THIS woman's hair-trigger temper running around in her head!"

"HEY!" Misato countered.

"And I'd know," Kaji added, "I've dated her before, and I'm dating her right now."

"NOT. HELPING." Misato said through gritted teeth.

"I am unafraid," Herr Blucher boldly affirmed, "I know what she likes-the same as what the previous creations liked..."

Herr Blucher then took the violin and bow from another table and began to play "In the Hall of the Mountain King" by Edvard Grieg. The she-creature suddenly seemed entranced by the music, as she appeared to become more docile.

"That music-!" Asuka realized.

"Yes," Herr Blucher confirmed, "it is in your blood, your heritage. It reaches the soul when words fail. Ludwig Frankenstein used to play the violin to tame his creature. Inga, that cursed woman, used it to lure the last creature to its doom."

"Then it was you all this time-" Misato said.

"Yes!" Blucher confirmed as he played another note, his eyes becoming more like those of a madman.

"You played 'Night on Bald Mountain' the other night-" Asuka said.

"YES!" said Blucher.

"To get them into the lab-" said Kaji.

"YES!" said Blucher.

"Then that was YOUR smoldering cigar-" Misato said.

"YES!" said Blucher.

"And you left Victor's journal out for me to find-" said Asuka.

"YES!" said Blucher.

"So that I could-" Asuka said as it dawned on her.

"YES!" said Blucher.

"YOU AND MY GREAT-AUNT-" Asuka began to put together, eyes growing ever wider with shock.

"YES! YES! Say it-I VAS HER BOYFRIEND!" Blucher confessed.

At this moment, a short in one electrical panel produced a large spark, frightening the she-creature and causing her to lash out. She knocked over machinery, tables, and crates before she bolted for a door leading outside, which she promptly knocked off its hinges as she ran off into the night. The commotion awoke Shinji, Rei, Mari and Ritsuko, who'd rushed down to the lab to see the whole spectacle unfold.

"Come back! Come back!" Asuka pleaded desperately to the rapidly-departing she-creature, "For _Gott's_ sake, come back here!"

"Asuka!" Shinji cried, "What's happening?"

"You will never catch her now," Blucher gloated, "she's free, do you hear me? Free!"

The she-creature was now a good distance away, and getting closer to a patch of woods near the edge of Tokyo-3.

"She's gone," Asuka said with horror, "we need to find her! Do you all get it? We need to find her before she kills someone!" She buried her face in her hands. "_Gott in himmel_, what have I done...?"

**END Chapter 6.**

****Author's Note**  
DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNN!**


	7. Chapter 7 - First Impressions

Chapter 7 - First Impressions, Second-Guesses

It was morning by the time that the she-creature was out of the woods and found herself wandering at the edge of a Tokyo-3 suburb. She found herself within reach of a house nearby, where she started to hear a small voice coming from around the side of it. Curious, she walked over and found a young girl tending to a small flower bed. The girl in question was Sakura Suzuhara, Toji's younger sister, who had made a decent recovery from her injuries (first sustained during the battle against Sachiel the Third Angel), and for now was using a small crutch. Sakura was humming to herself as she watered the flowers, until she caught notice of the she-creature's presence.

"Oh-hello," greeted the girl, "I didn't see you there. Are you okay?"

"Mmm," the she-creature responded.

"You look a little down. I know! Here, have a flower crown-I made it myself," Sakura cheerfully said as she offered it to the she-creature. The she-creature, puzzled at first, took the flower crown from her and put it on her head. For some reason, it did bring a small smile to her face.

"You look really pretty now!" Sakura commented.

"Hey, Sakura!" Toji called from inside the house, "Hikari's got breakfast ready!"

"Coming, big brother!" Sakura replied. "I have to go, but I hope you have a great day. See you later!" She waved as she ran off back into the house. The she-creature, not quite understanding, waved back as she continued her wandering through the wooded area of the suburb.

It was the late afternoon as the she-creature found herself further within the woods of the Tokyo-3 suburb, when she began hearing music in the air. She followed the sounds until it took her to a small house, where lived an old blind woman. She could nearly hear the woman muttering a prayer to herself from within.

"Oh please, a visitor is all I ask for," woman prayed, "just a temporary companion to help me pass some time in this lonely life with."

As if her prayers were answered, the she-creature opened the woman's door wide, making a small "Mmm" as she entered.

This was not lost on the old woman. "Oh thank you, thank you lord," she offered as she turned off her record player, grabbed her cane, and began making her way towards the she-creature.

"Mmm," said she-creature intoned as the old woman got closer.

"Oh no no no, don't speak, don't say a word," the old woman said. "Ah, my joy and happiness, sent from above." The old woman felt around till she noticed how tall her new house guest was. "Oh, my, you must have been the tallest in your class. Strong too, just feel that muscle. Pleased to meet you-my name is Haruko, and I live here by myself. What is your name?"

"Mmm", the she-creature replied.

"I apologize, I don't quite understand," said Haruko. "Oh, I see now-please forgive me. I didn't know you were mute. Ooh, how odd a pair we must be, me a blind old woman, and you a mute-a very tall mute." She then noticed her new companion's hand felt a bit cold to the touch. "Oh dear, you feel like you've been out for a while now. You must be hungry at least. I've just made some soup, would you like a bowl?"

Haruko led the she-creature to her kitchen table and had her sit down. The she-creature picked up the bowl she was offered and held it out, awaiting the hot soup Haruko was just taking out of the pot.

"Ah, my new friend, you don't know what your visit means to me," Haruko said. "It's been so long since I've had the presence of another person in my home." Haruko then attempted to ladle the soup into the she-creature's bowl, only for the old woman to miss and pour it into her lap.

"MMMMMM!" the she-creature said as she let loose a muffled yelp of pain.

"Sometimes," Haruko began to ramble, "with all our daily comings and goings, we tend to forget the simple things in life that give us true happiness."

As she said this, she ladled another helping of soup. The she-creature instinctively tried to move her bowl so it'd be under the ladle this time, but Haruko still missed and another helping of the hot liquid wound up on her lap, making her wince and release another muffled yelp.

"Now then, how about a little sake with your soup?" Haruko offered.

The she-creature, acting on the part of Misato that loved kicking back with a good drink, picked up a cup and waited as Haruko poured the sake from its bottle before pouring one for herself. Just as the she-creature was about to take a sip, instinctively Haruko stopped her.

"Hold one moment," Haruko said, as she put their cups together, "let us have a toast-a toast to a long, good friendship."

She then proceeded to clink their cups together; unfortunately, Haruko perhaps 'clinked' a little too hard, as the momentum shattered the she-creature's cup. The she-creature looked at the remains of her cup, then rolled her eyes as if she were sarcastically saying '_Really?_', none-too-amused over the stroke of luck she was having. Haruko remained blissfully unaware of the shenanigans she was subjecting her house guest to.

"And now," said Haruko, "I'm going to bring out a little something I've been saving for such a special occasion." She then reached out to a small box in the middle of the table, opened it up, and removed two odd-looking cigarettes. The she-creature raised a curious eyebrow over the two objects in Haruko's hand.

"Roman Red, they are," Haruko said, identifying the contents of the two cigarettes. "They're the good stuff, they are. A friend who danced the Lindy Hop introduced me to them decades ago. Go ahead, take one." She held out one of them to the she-creature, who, with some reluctance, took it between her fingers. She eyed it with a curious glance. Haruko then took one of the lit candles and motioned it towards the she-creature.

"Mmm!" the startled she-creature winced.

"No no, fire is good," Haruko reassuringly told the she-creature, "fire is our friend. Watch, you'll see." She then used the candle to light her cigarette, taking a puff after it started glowing. This act seemed to put the she-creature at ease. "There, you see? Do you have yours ready?" She then motioned the she-creature to hold it out for her to light it. With one hand she took the she-creature's own, and while meaning to light the cigarette, she accidentally lit the she-creature's finger instead. "Now now, just hold it there, and don't inhale until it glows."

The she-creature looked at her lit digit without a care-until she finally realized the fact that her finger was on fire. "YEEEEOOWWW!" she yelled in pain as she quickly blew out the flame. In her own way of saying '_Oh that's __**IT**__, I'm outta here!_', the snarling she-creature got up from the table, bolted towards the door, and completely reduced it to splinters as she stormed out of the house into the evening air. Haruko, confused, followed her as far as the doorway before she attempted in vain to get her to stay.

"Wait, wait!" Haruko called out. "Where are you going? I was going to make some cold brew."

It was now the middle of the evening when the she-creature now found herself wandering through the old Hakone section of Tokyo-3, where the apartment of one Rei Ayanami once stood before she decided to trade up after the end of the Angel War. Though she couldn't put her finger on it, the she-creature knew that somehow she was being watched, and not just by the random vagrant or two that she happened to scare away as she kept her stride. Suddenly, she paused as she began to hear music in the air. The sounds of a guitar being played by a busker just a few yards in front of her. A part of her even recognized the song he was playing-"Rock Lobster". **[Picture the audio being this without the singing: watch?v=0oB0PzlJF9U.]** Entranced by the song, and slightly swaying to its hypnotic melody, she stepped closer and closer to the busker, part of his face hidden by the hat he wore. When she got close enough, the busker looked up, revealing himself to be a disguised Kaji.

"Gotcha," he said, as the sound of a dart gun being fired was heard. A second later, the she-creature felt the prick in her neck and plucked out the small sedative dart that was stuck there. She then began to feel sleepy as she started to collapse, only to be caught by Ritsuko and Misato, who had the dart gun in her left hand. Asuka and Shinji followed, and helped them load the she-creature into the van they'd borrowed.

"Who knew Misato being a B-52's fan would come in handy like this?" an amused Asuka asked rhetorically.

Once the group returned to the castle, the she-creature was put in a small holding cell in the laboratory, and was chained to the floor just to be on the safe side (according to Ritsuko). Herr Blucher had been confined to a room upstairs, under Misato's orders. Outside the cell, Kaji, Ritsuko, Misato, Shinji, Asuka, Rei and Mari were discussing what to do about the she-creature. To say that Rei's idea was met with more than a bit of surprise was an understatement.

"You two need to go in there," Rei surprisingly insisted.

"Are you kidding?" Shinji and Asuka asked simultaneously.

"Not in the least," replied Rei. "Love is the only thing that can save this creature, and you two need to convince her that she is loved."

"Even if it leaves them hospitalized?" Misato asked with grave concern.

"Or worse?" Ritsuko solemnly added.

"Actually," Shinji started, "Rei's right."

"Can't believe I'm saying this," Asuka said, "but I agree. I'm her creator, I have a responsibility."

"Right," Ritsuko said, "because with great power comes great-"

"Different franchise, Dr. Akagi," said Rei.

"Regardless, Shinji and I will go in," Asuka affirmed. "We both managed to put our neuroses aside to find some empathy with one another, we can help do the same with her, and hopefully start getting her on the road to humanity faster."

Misato put a hand on Shinji's shoulder as she asked him, "Are you sure you really want to do this?"

Shinji looked up at his guardian and gave her a slightly reassuring smile, before he replied "I'm sure."

Both Shinji and Asuka then turned to head into the cell. Before they stepped fully inside, Asuka turned around to address the others.

"No matter what you hear," she implored, "no matter how cruelly either of us begs you, no matter how terribly either of us scream, DON'T open this door, or you'll undo all the progress we've worked for. Got it? DON'T open this door."

With great reluctance, all on the other side of the doorway nodded.

"Nice working with ya," Mari said with a nervous smile on her face and a set of worried eyes.

Sighing, Asuka closed the door behind her and Shinji, while Mari quickly locked it. They then turned their attention to the sleeping form of the she-creature on the cell's cot, her arms chained to the floor. The two of them crept over to her as quietly as they could, until Shinji's nervousness caused him to slightly jostle the small table in the cell-a noise that was enough to rouse the she-creature from her sedative-induced slumber. Asuka glared at her boyfriend before silently exclaiming 'BAKA!'. The she-creature opened her ruby-red eyes at the 'intruders' and got up with a small grunt. Shinji and Asuka's eyes grew wide with terror as they both quickly turned back to the door and started pounding on it.

"Let us out, let us out of here..." Shinji hastily pleaded.

"Get us the hell out of here!" Asuka yelled. "What's wrong with you guys? I was kidding! Can't you tell when I'm joking?!"

"Ha ha ha ha!" Shinji was trying to force, "Seriously, she got me good, didn't she get you guys too?"

On the other side of the door, everyone wore worried looks on their faces save for Rei, trying to remain as calm as possible.

"Ach du lieber, GET US OUTTA HERE!" Asuka screamed. Misato was about to reach for the doorknob before her hand was caught by Rei, who shook her head, inferring that they needed to do this.

Back in the cell, as the two continued to pound on the door, Shinji screamed, "OPEN THIS F*#%^ ! DOOR OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASSES TO KINGDOM COME!" He turned around to see the advancing she-creature. "MOMMY!"

Misato tried to go for the knob again, only for Rei to block her way. "NO" was all she sternly said.

In the cell, the she-creature growled as she tugged at her chains, easily breaking them off. She'd gotten closer to the two ex-EVA pilots. A desperate Shinji finally spoke up, swallowing before doing his best to suppress his sheer terror.

"Hey there, beautiful!" he said with his charming best.

The she-creature stopped in its tracks, all rage gone from her face as she looked around confused, until she pointed to herself as if asking 'Me?'.

Asuka, following Shinji's lead, picked it up from there, putting on her usual bravado. "Well DUH! Who else are we talking about? You're a gorgeous girl, you know that?"

The she-creature was now curious as the two of them continued.

"People might laugh at you, they might hate you, but think about it-WHY do they hate you?" Shinji asked, a bit more confidence in his voice.

"Because," Asuka continued with glee, "they're jealous-ENVIOUS of you!"

The two then moved closer to the she-creature, with Asuka taking her hand.

"Just look at you," said Asuka, "that statuesque figure..."

"Your almost-porcelain skin..." Shinji continued.

"That sweet smile..." Asuka added.

"And you want to talk about strength?" Shinji asked, "lady, you're a total brick house!"

"You're mighty migh-TAY," Asuka added, "you're the friggin' Olympic ideal. Face it, girl-you are a GODDESS among mortals."

The she-creature, as if she understood the intent, smiled at those words.

"But most importantly," Shinji began, "you are not, I repeat NOT, a thing of evil. There's not an evil bone in your body!"

"You are GOOD," Asuka emphasized, "You are a GOOD woman. Don't you forget it!"

Upon hearing this, the she-creature began to weep with tears of joy, as if she knew this was what she always wanted to hear. She collapsed back onto the cot as Asuka and Shinji rushed over to hold and comfort her.

"There, there," Asuka said, "you're a nice girl, you're a VERY nice girl."

"You're definitely the kind you'd take home to mother," Shinji added.

"And we both want the whole world to know," Asuka added, "that we all love you, unconditionally and with no shame at all. Just you wait-we're going to teach you how to walk and talk and think like a lady! And together, with the help of all our friends, we're going to make the single greatest contribution to science, since the invention of the microwave!"

"The microwave?" a confused Shinji asked.

"Don't spoil it, baka," Asuka replied, "I'm on a roll here."

On the other side of the door, Misato called in to the two, "Asuka! Shinji! Are you all right in there?"

"We're fine, Misato!" Shinji called back.

"More than fine!" Asuka added, a triumphant smile making its way across her face. "Let it be known, with you all as my witnesses, that I, Asuka Langley Sohryu, shall now redeem the name of FRANKENSTEIN!"

**END Chapter 7.**


	8. Chapter 8 - Rehearsals and Debuts

Chapter 8 - Rehearsals and Debut

For Asuka, Shinji and company, it had been quite the week, teaching the she-creature how to behave as a member of society. Almost everybody contributed in their own ways. Rei taught her as best she could how to speak and write. Ritsuko taught her some first aid. Mari taught her how to dance, which revealed to everyone how, before becoming an EVA pilot, she wanted to be a ballerina as a little girl. Shinji helped her develop her musical tastes. One of the more interesting 'tutoring sessions' had been Asuka and Misato bringing her to the mall for a quick fashion lesson. In one particular store, a good number of outfits were put through their scrutiny. **[Cue background music in the form of the first few bars of Roy Orbison's "Oh, Pretty Woman".]** The she-creature tried on a number of outfits and looks, including one of an old-fashioned American carhop, made up of a white collared blouse, black pants, a pair of roller skates, a red cap with "Mel's" stitched on in white, and a tray full of food and a soda-with one item gone.

"That's odd," one of the sales clerks noted, "the plastic burger is missing."

The she-creature let slip a small belch, blushing before she covered her mouth with her hand. Both Asuka and Misato face-palmed.

The she-creature was also taught dining etiquette by, of all people, Pen-Pen. The fact that the warm-water penguin known for kicking back with a beer or reading the paper was quite the stickler for good table manners was, to say the least, very astonishing for Pen-Pen's three longtime roommates. Shinji, Asuka, Rei and Misato watched in utter awe as their fine-feathered friend put the she-creature through her paces at a cloth-covered table, complete with a set of fine china, silverware and glassware. Pen-Pen drilled her through each type of fork, spoon, plate, and glass in use, and through the usual sequential order of a formal meal.

Asuka couldn't fault Pen-Pen for being such a taskmaster; everything about the she-creature needed to be refined enough before the day of the big event where she'd make her debut. Especially considering what Asuka had been working on with the she-creature as part of the big presentation.

Eventually, the night of the she-creature's debut came, as people crowded into the large Tokyo-3 Event Center. The sign outside displayed the following:

**Tonight:**

**World Scientific Symposium Day 3**

**Presenter-Dr. Asuka Langley Sohryu**

**Tomorrow:**

**The Bronski Theatre Troupe Revue**

**Featuring Highlights from Hamlet**

The audience packed into one of the three auditorium spaces set aside for the event, and it was a full house. Scientists, scholars, and a few dignitaries were present, with a special row reserved for a few of Asuka's friends. Misato, Ritsuko, Kaji, and Mari were already seated by the time the house was full. Shinji and Rei were backstage, while Asuka and the she-creature were already behind the curtain. The emcee walked onto the stage to a small round of applause before he began to speak.

"Good evening to you all," the emcee greeted, "tonight, it is my privilege to introduce to you one of the brightest young minds of this decade, a young lady who not only graduated with a PHD from the University of Frankfurt at age 14, but is also a veteran of the Angel War, having served as an Evangelion pilot. I now present to you, Dr. Asuka Langley Sohryu!"

The audience got up and applauded as Asuka emerged from behind the curtain, clad in a white lab coat and red pumps. She held up her hands to signal for the audience to sit back down and listen, and then began speaking her peace.

"Good evening, fellow scientists...ladies and gentlemen...nerds of all ages," Asuka greeted, the last part drawing a few chuckles from the audience. "Before I begin, I would like to acknowledge the contributions of Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, without whom I would not have gotten to this point tonight."

The spotlight temporarily fell on Ritsuko, who smiled and blushed at the applause she received. Asuka then continued.

"I also come before you tonight in the hopes of rehabilitating the name that inspired me to present my scientific achievement. Many of you will know this name that simultaneously achieved fame and infamy. I refer to, of course, the name Frankenstein." A few gasps emerged from the audience at the mention of the name. "I myself am a distant relative of that bloodline, and I too know about the mistakes and horrors associated with it. I fled, for a time, from its reputation, seeking to never fall prey to the temptations that family succumbed to. Yet a short couple of weeks ago, coming from a background as, trust me on this, conservative and traditionally grounded in scientific fact as any one of you-even with the advent of the Angels and all the breakthroughs that resulted from our battles with them-I began an experiment in, preposterous as it seems, the infusion of life into supposedly lifeless tissue. Part of this was derived from the breakthroughs of Dr. Akagi and her mother before her, the late Dr. Naoko Akagi. From this experiment, I may have just offered humankind a means of immortality-and not the kind sought by the sinister hands of the now-defunct SEELE organization. Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you the result of my experiment, for your intellectual and philosophical curiosity. Whereas my ancestors the Frankensteins each saw themselves as a modern-day, real-life Prometheus, I see myself as something different: a modern-day, real-life Pygmalion, complete with my own Galatea!"

With that, the curtain was lifted, and the she-creature, garbed in a stark-white tunic and matching slip-on shoes, stood revealed to an astonished audience.

"Please, people-remain in your seats," Asuka continued. "We're almost all adults here, and scientists at that. As you can see, no bolts in the neck, no zippers in the calves, not a single stitch on her person. I assure you, there's nothing at all to worry about. As proof, allow me to offer you a neurological demonstration of my Galatea's primary cerebral functions, balance and coordination." (Ritsuko smugly elbowed Kaji as she mentioned, "I told her to start off with this.") Asuka then turned to the she-creature and gave her a simple command: "Please walk forward, heel-to-toe."

The she-creature looked at Asuka, then at the audience, before she did so, walking gracefully a few steps towards the edge of the stage. Asuka followed it up with another command: "Now, backwards!" The she-creature then complied as she just as gracefully walked back, toe-to-heel, until Asuka gave her the sign to stop and stand still. The audience applauded, as did Shinji and Rei backstage.

Asuka then spoke up again: "Ladies and gentlemen, up until now you've seen my Galatea perform simple motor skills. For the next demonstration, we'll be stepping up a few levels, quietly, into genius territory. My fellow members of the scientific community, from what was once an inarticulate mass of genetically-engineered tissue, I now give you a culturally-enlightened, stylish and sophisticated-and quite stunning, too-woman-about-town!"

At that statement, on cue the lights went out briefly, giving Asuka and the she-creature enough time for a quick costume change. "Hit it!" Asuka said as the lights came back up. Asuka now wore a beautiful red evening gown with white opera gloves and matching tap shoes; the she-creature was now clad in a black, partly-sequined fringe dress with fishnet stockings, black finger-less opera gloves, and black tap shoes. Both of them held black dancing canes. The music began playing as the duo launched into a song-and-dance routine.

Asuka:

_Come on babe_

_Why don't we paint the town?_

She-creature (revealing herself to be an alto):

_And all that Jazz_

Asuka:

_I'm gonna rouge my knees_

_And roll my stockings down_

She-creature:

_And all that jazz_

Asuka:

_Start the car_

_I know a whoopee spot_

_Where the gin is cold_

_But the piano's hot_

_It's just a noisy hall_

_Where there's a nightly brawl_

She-creature:

_And all-_

_That-_

_Jazz_

Asuka:

_Slick your hair_

_And wear your buckle shoes_

She-creature

_And all that Jazz_

Asuka:

_I hear that Father Dip_

_Is gonna blow the blues_

She-creature:

_And all that Jazz_

Asuka and the she-creature:

_Hold on, hon_

_We're gonna bunny hug_

_I bought some aspirin_

_Down at United Drug_

_In case you shake apart_

_And want a brand new start_

She-creature:

_To do...that...jazz_

The two of them launched into a long dance number and wowed the audience with it. They applauded as the duo kept up their steps, and just when it seem like they had the night in the palm of their hand, an unexpected fluke occurred. One of the stage lights abruptly exploded, badly startling the she-creature, who yelped in fright. This in turn startled the audience, and those backstage. Shinji quickly rushed onstage with a fire extinguisher to put the small flame out, but the damage had been done-the she-creature was experiencing her first bout of stage fright.

"It's okay, it's okay, don't panic," Asuka said as she tried to calm the she-creature down. She tried to resume the dance number apprehensively: "A five-six-seven-eight!" Asuka's attempt to get things back on track didn't work, and she nervously tried to get the she-creature to listen. "For _Gott's_ sake come on-you trying to make us a laughingstock here?"

Unfortunately, the audience was beginning to turn on them. Multiple boos wear heard, and a few people had the nerve to throw a few tomatoes towards the stage. Asuka tried to sate the audience. "Hold it! Please, stop already! Don't humiliate her, I beg you! Don't get her angry-you wouldn't like her when she's angry!"

"Different franchise, Asuka," Rei said.

"NOT NOW, REI!" Asuka yelled.

Things had reached the point of no return. Soon, the she-creature's fear gave way to a different emotion as she studied the faces of the irate audience members: anger. She let out a loud growl that shocked the audience into a frightened state, and soon they were running for the doors in a hurry. Misato, Kaji, Ritsuko and Mari tried to get them to not panic, to no avail.

"People, remain calm!" Ritsuko shouted.

"All is well!" Mari added, a forced smile on her face.

Yet the fracas continued. Finally, security was called in to subdue the thrashing she-creature. An entire squad of police managed to overpower the she-creature as they hauled her into custody. In all the chaos, Asuka and the others were whisked away from the danger, and they all regrouped at Misato's apartment.

**Twenty minutes later...**

The mood was very somber at the apartment, especially when it came to Asuka. Everyone inside had just seen on the news that the she-creature had been chained up at the local jail. While everyone else decided to give Asuka a little space, Shinji stayed by her side.

"I can't believe it," Asuka bemoaned, "they just chained her up like a wild beast. It's so unfair!"

"Asuka, I'm so sorry," Shinji said as he consoled her. "I feel really awful about all of this. I wish I could help you get a little peace."

"Maybe they were right about the Frankenstein legacy," Asuka said, "maybe me experiencing this kind of catastrophic failure is part of some cosmic balancing act..."

Ritsuko overheard that last part, and an idea struck her. "Balancing-Asuka, that's it!" she exclaimed.

"What's it?" Asuka asked, confused.

"That's why the creature's been more temperamental than its 'brain donor'!" Ritsuko began to elaborate.

"HEY! I resemble that remark," Misato said.

"This is something neither one of us thought of when we originally brought her to life," Ritsuko continued, "we didn't think there'd be an imbalance in her cerebro-spinal fluid. We need to equalize it before it's too late."

While they were having this conversation, over at the jail downtown, the she-creature brooded in her chained state. So much so that she barely acknowledged the guard, a slightly oblivious middle-aged woman, chatting with her on no end. However, the she-creature's tolerance for all that yakking was beginning to wear thin, until finally, she just couldn't take it anymore. The she-creature stood up, promptly broke every chain holding her down, and proceeded to break down the door to the cell, startling the guard. By the time the guard drew her weapon, the she-creature had put quite the distance between herself and the police precinct. While the cops gathered around at the precinct to come up with a strategy to recapture the she-creature, a newcomer entered their midst: Inspector Helena Kemp.

"I knew Sohryu vas too good to be true," she said to herself as she approached the chief of police.

"Who are you?" the chief asked.

"UN Special Inspector Helena Kemp," she replied, presenting her credentials, "I vas sent here to assess vhether or not anything regarding a Frankenstein-level threat vould emerge, and it appears that you happen to currently be experiencing such a threat, correct?"

"Uh, yes ma'am," the chief replied.

"Then vith your permission," Kemp started, "I vould take over command of any operation pertaining to the capture and detainment of the creature. I've had more experience regarding this type of situation, and am best-equipped to handle it vith your cooperation."

The chief gave the matter some thought, but ultimately decided that this ought to be handled by an expert. "All right," he conceded, "What do you need?"

"First off," Kemp began, "I vill need a contingent of your officers to handle any crowd control. A riot is an ugly thing, and ve do not want one to break out-it vould only hinder our efforts. Second, I vant one squad to focus on tracking the creature down, vhile I lead another to go after its creator. As heaven as my vitness, she vill curse the day that she took up the legacy of Frankenstein!"

"What?" the officers asked, confused by the heavy accent in her last statement.

"*SIGH* I said she vill curse the day that she took up the legacy of Frankenstein!" Kemp clarified.

"OH," the officers replied, now getting it.

**END Chapter 8.**

****Author's Note**  
I know, I know, I changed a bit of the story. My apologies to all the ****_Young Frankenstein_**** purists out there, but I just wanted to do something different, considering the cast of characters I've been using to send up the send-up.**

**Also, a scene that wound up on the 'cutting room floor' would've been Misato and Kaji stepping up to try and placate the crowd in a takeoff on Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft singing "Sweet Georgia Brown" in Polish from _To Be or Not to Be_.**


	9. Chapter 9 - First Date?

Chapter 9 - First Date?

The she-creature was fleeing for her life with a number of emotions roiling through her. She'd been relieved at having broken out of captivity, she was furious at the people who had shown hatred towards her back at the auditorium-and the pair of shoes she was wearing were killing her. Stopping for a moment to remove her shoes, she continued her flight from the mobs of police and people after her. She decided she needed to find some place to lie low for a little while, and instinctively-perhaps drawing from the instincts of her 'brain donor'-she slipped into a nearby bar. What she didn't expect was that it was a karaoke bar; it didn't matter to her, as long as no one goaded her into singing. (She'd had enough of that for one night.) Sighing, she placed herself down on the nearest stool and motioned for the bartender to bring her something. When he asked her what it'd be, she only said one word that she somehow knew from memory: "Yebisu". The barkeep nodded, quickly grabbed a cold pint glass, put it under the tap and filled it, before handing it (and a coaster) to the she-creature. The weary she-creature gave him a nod of 'thanks', and quickly downed the entire glass in one gulp. The person sitting next to her took notice.

"Wow-I know only one other person who can do something like that," he said, drawing the she-creature's attention.

She turned to look at her 'neighbor' at the counter. It was Lt. Makoto Hyuga, the bespectacled former bridge tech of the old NERV and current research assistant at the new NERV. He'd been a semi-regular at this particular establishment for some time, more so since his crush Misato and Kaji had decided to make another go at it; while not a heavy drinker, he did like to give his pipes a workout.

"Come to think of it, you kind of remind me a bit of her," he added. "Maybe it's the hair color, I don't know."

The she-creature looked at him quizzically, finding something oddly fascinating about the guy in glasses in front of her.

"Um...I-I know I haven't been on the dating scene in a while," he nervously began, "but can I buy you a drink?"

Slightly touched by the gesture, the she-creature nodded, and Makoto then signaled the barkeep to pour her another. The two just sat there for the next half-hour, chatting idly away-well, it was more of a one-sided conversation, as Makoto talked while the she-creature listened. He poured out a bit of his heart to her, telling her about his former and current job, his friends, the feelings he had during the ill-fated assault on NERV-HQ, the woman for whom he carried a torch for the longest time, and how ultimately he decided to be the bigger man and let her and the other guy in her life give their relationship another shot. He'd told her about how he felt, and the two decided to stay friends then and there. The she-creature began to like Makoto even more after he'd admitted these things to her, as if she were acting upon the part of Misato that did like the guy a teeny bit. Just then, Makoto's name was called, as it was now his turn to step up to the mic.

"I, uh, hope you like my performance," Mikoto said. "I don't sing-not professionally, at least. I just find it a good stress-reliever." The she-creature smiled as he went on. "I'm actually glad they had this particular song in the selection-it was from an old movie that my parents love. They actually saw it on their first date. *SIGH* Here goes nothing..."

Makoto then stepped up to the small stage, removed his glasses, and took the mike from its stand. The screen came on behind him as the music began to play, and as he started singing, his voice took on a more...Bublé-ic quality **[or something akin to Neil Patrick Harris]**:

_High anxiety, whenever you're near,_

_High anxiety, it's youuuu that I fear..._

_My heart's afraid to fly, it's crashed before._

_but then you take my hand; my heart starts to soar,_

_once more..._

_High anxiety, it's always the same..._

_Ooh, xiety-it's youuu, that I blame._

_It's very clear to me, I've got to give in..._

_High anxiety, you win._

The entire time, Makoto's movements took a page from Sinatra, right down to him popping into the audience. The she-creature loved every minute of it. Makoto walked over to one table:

Makoto: Hiya pal, where're you from?

Man at table: Yokohama.

Makoto: Love that town, keep that big wheel turnin'! [Pats the man's stomach.] And ease up on the Iekei ramen. [Audience chuckles.]

Makoto then moved to another table, this one occupied by a young couple.

Makoto: Well hey there, young lovers, whoever you are-what's this? A little rice grain? Newly married? [Points the mic at the bride.]

Bride: Just this morning.

Makoto [addressing the rest of the audience]: And they said it wouldn't last! [Audience chuckles again.]

Makoto then resumed singing, the she-creature ever-entranced:

_...But then you take my hand; my heart starts to soar, once more. _

Key change!

_High anxiety, it's all-ways the same..._

_Hey, xiety-it's YOUUU, that I blame._

_It's very clear to me_ [curls up mic cord], _IIII've got to give in_ [cracks mic cord like a whip; the she-creature swoons ever so slightly]

_High anxiety..._

And remember folks, the Hedgehog's Dilemma is complete bunk. Reach out to one another, why don'tcha? Never hurts to try.

_Youuuu wiiiinnnnn!_

The audience broke into a loud round of applause as Makoto took his bow and returned to his stool next to the she-creature, who also enthusiastically applauded him.

"You liked it?" Makoto asked. "That's great! I-I've never had an admirer like you before. Actually, I don't think I've ever lasted this long with someone like you..."

Both slightly blushed at that statement. Makoto then cleared his throat.

"Um...Say-would you...Like to maybe go for a walk for a bit?" Makoto asked the she-creature. Said she-creature nodded her head and, as they both got up from their seats, took the arm he offered as they both walked out the door and into the night air. Makoto for a moment was startled by the height of his new companion.

"Wow..." he said as the two exited the bar.

**Interlude at the castle...**

"How's it going?" Misato asked as she observed the trio diligently working.

"It's just about finished," Ritsuko replied.

"Just a few more minor adjustments, and...done!" Asuka confirmed.

It wasn't easy to cobble together, but Asuka, Ritsuko, and Maya-who'd been brought on thanks to a call from Ritsuko, knowing she could be trusted-had managed to build a new apparatus for the procedure to come.

"Remind me, in 'plain speak', what this thing will do," Misato implored.

"Basically," Ritsuko began, "the device will enable us to transfer another sample of cranial fluid from one person to the creature, hopefully enough to help balance out her mental state."

"Only question is," Maya added, "Who's the best candidate for the job?"

"I have a very good idea for that," Rei suggested. All eyes turned to the former EVA-00 pilot. "I believe Dr. Akagi would be the best choice for this procedure."

"Wait, WHAT?" Asuka asked, dumbfounded, "Why blondie?"

"A part of Misato is already in the creature," Rei answered, "therefore, the other part should come from someone who knows her well, yet is the perfect opposite in every way. The perfect super-ego to balance out the id that comes from the Misato component, as well as the ego that lies in the dormant part of the clone body's original psyche. Dr. Akagi's sense of logic and reason is the ideal counterpoint to Misato's instinct and drive. Misato and Dr. Akagi have been friends for a long time-two totally different people, yet complimentary of one another. The balance they maintain is the perfect model that may just save the creature's life."

Everyone continued to stare at Rei in astonishment. Rei herself looked around at their puzzled expressions.

"...The night that we conducted the experiment, among the books I read in the dining room was one by Sigmund Freud. I found it a bit interesting," Rei stated.

"Sounds like Rits and Katsuragi are gonna be roommates again, in a sense," said Kaji as he walked in with Mari and Shinji in tow.

"How'd it go?" Asuka asked him.

"No sweat at all," the former spy replied, "Lt. Aoba gladly let us take all that extra stereo equipment off his hands. They're in pretty good shape, so they should be able to work for our part of the plan."

"Right," said Asuka, "How about you, Shinji? You manage to find it?"

"I did", her boyfriend replied as he took a CD from behind his back, "I was lucky-of all the music stores in the city, I was able to find the only one with this particular album with this particular song in no time at all."

"Yep," Mari chimed in as she sarcastically added, "He found the only place in town that carried a tune."

As if he were psychic, Pen-Pen played another rimshot from within Misato's apartment.

"All right, enough fooling around then," Asuka said. "Let's bring our girl home."

**End of Interlude...**

Makoto and the she-creature had left the bar and soon found their way to a small, well-lit park towards the heart of the city. The night was clear and offered a soothing atmosphere for the two walking along the park's path. The she-creature kept up the role of attentive listener as Makoto talked with her more. It was apparent that something was smoldering between the two of them even though they'd only met an hour and a half ago. When they passed by a particularly large tree and sat down for a spell underneath it, the she-creature decided she loved the guy enough to add a bit more fuel to the fire.

"You know," Makoto began while looking up at the stars, "I never get to see enough nights like this, being cooped up in the Geofront most of the day. I guess that's one thing I've gotta hand to meeting you-WHOA!".

Makoto found himself cut off as the she-creature ensnared him in a passionate kiss. She broke it quickly for him to get in a word or two.

"Uh-wow...I didn't figureMMMPH," he managed to get out before she resumed, her hands traveling in different directions. One slowly unbuttoned his shirt, while the other found its way behind his back. "You sure you're not moving too fast on this?" he squeaked out before she cut him off again temporarily. "OBOY, you're serious, aren't you?" he inquired as she continued. The hand behind his back kept going down and down further. "Come on, why don't you say something? What do I have to do to get a word in edge-_MOOOOONNN RIVER!_" he sang as her hand reached its destination...

**Some time later (not that we're counting)...**

The two of them lay there under the tree, disheveled and catching their breath. It'd been a wonderful experience for the both of them.

"Penny for your thoughts?" a smiling Makoto asked the she-creature.

"Mmmm," she purred back at him.

"Woman of few words, eh?" he asked.

"Mmmm" was all she answered. She then slowly moved near him, itching for a bit more.

"Well, six has always been my favorite number," Makoto said before he started to resume. Their progress was halted when the she-creature's ears perked at the sound of some music in the distance. Soon Makoto could hear it too, even making out some of the lyrics.

_Skip the airstrip to the sunset, yeah_

_Ride the arrow to the target, one_

_Take it hip to hip, rock it through the wilderness_

_Around the world the trip begins with a kiss_

The she-creature sat up, her 'Misato-sense' tingling again at the sound of the B-52's.

"What's wrong? You okay?" Makoto asked, a tinge of concern in his voice. "Is it the music? Probably some party nearby."

_Roam if you want to_

_Roam around the world_

_Roam if you want to_

_Without wings, without wheels_

The entranced she-creature then stood up and started making her way towards the source of the music, leaving a confused Makoto in her wake.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Makoto asked as he got up to try and chase after her. "Will I see you again? Can I at least get your number?" He kept standing there as she got further and further away, while a love-struck smile began to adorn his face. "Gawrsh, I think I love her..." he mumbled to himself.

Meanwhile, the she-creature kept on going, following the song more and more. Nearby, Asuka, Shinji, Mari and Kaji waited from the van they'd rented, with the stereo fully set up and music blasting from it. Asuka and Shinji kept watch with a pair of binoculars. Finally, Shinji spotted something in the direction he was looking.

"Found her! She's coming this way!" he exclaimed as he pointed to where the she-creature was walking.

"Keep it playing!" Asuka barked, "We've almost got her!"

"Heh," Mari chuckled, "Look at us-the Pied Pipers of Tokyo-3. Who'da thunk it?"

The she-creature finally got within direct eyesight. She walked a few more feet before finally reaching the open back of the van.

"Got 'er!" Asuka said. "Get in-we don't have much time!" She held out her hand, and the she-creature took it, as everyone crowded inside. Asuka then quickly dialed her phone.

"Misato-everything all set?" she asked.

"We're good here. Sounds like you got her," her guardian replied.

"All right, see you in a few," Asuka said before hanging up. "Step on it, Kaji!"

"You got it," a grinning Kaji said as he started shifting the gears, "but I gotta warn ya-who do you think taught Misato how to drive?"

Shinji and Asuka's eyes shot wide open when they heard that, but it was too late for them to react as Kaji put the van in full throttle towards the castle. This didn't go unnoticed by a patrol car on stakeout near the outskirts of the city, with its occupants radioing in to Inspector Kemp of what they spotted. The van soon arrived at the back entrance to the castle lab, where the she-creature was then hurried inside. Soon they had her strapped to one table while Dr. Akagi got into place on the other one. Maya and Asuka stood on standby as they made sure everything was set, while the rest stood on the sidelines in anxious trepidation. Maya took a moment to speak with Ritsuko.

"Are you sure you really want to go through with this?" she worriedly asked her girlfriend.

"We've been over this," Ritsuko replied. "You, Asuka and I know the risks involved." She then looked to the she-creature next to her. "But this is the only thing that can save her now."

"Everyone ready?" Asuka asked in a serious tone of voice. Both nodded affirmatively. "Good."

"Hold on to your butts," Maya warned as her hand slowly turned the switch.

"Different fran-OOF!" Rei said before being cut off by Mari elbowing her in the ribs. "Point taken, Mari."

Asuka then threw her own switch, and soon the machinery hummed to life. Sparks flew, and static electricity arced back and forth along the Tesla coils. Ritsuko grit her teeth as the process began, as did the she-creature next to her. Finally, after about five minutes, Asuka gave Maya the nod to start powering down.

"Switching off," said Maya as the humming and sparking began to cease.

"How will we know when they're done?" Shinji asked concernedly.

"We need to allow them ten minutes," Asuka replied, "not a second more or less."

Misato swallowed, while Kaji put an arm around her shoulder in a gesture of reassurance. Everyone eyed the two subjects of the procedure, knowing it was going to be a long ten minutes for all, and unaware of the forces of law enforcement slowly encroaching upon their door...

**END Chapter 9.**


	10. Chapter 10 - Endings, Stingers, etc

Chapter 10 - Endings, Stingers, Yadda-yadda...

The air was tense as Inspector Kemp and her squad of officers arrived at Castle Frankenstein and made their way through the courtyard. Anticipation hung around her like the cobwebs she spied out of the corner of her eye. It was all too perfect for her; Sohryu had slipped up, the apple, no matter how far it hung off its branch, didn't fall far enough from the tree. Kemp was going to make sure Sohryu knew it and regret it. She then turned to her squad members, a few of whom were unloading a small battering ram to force open the locked front door.

"On my mark," Kemp began to order, "break down this door!"

Meanwhile, in the lab, all eyes were on the currently unconscious forms of Dr. Ritsuko Akagi and the she-creature. All were anxious to see if both or either of them were all right.

"How much longer?" a concerned Misato asked.

"Two more minutes," Asuka replied, looking at her watch.

Suddenly, a loud bang was heard coming from upstairs, as everyone turned in the direction of the sound.

"Oh, no-what's that noise?" Shinji fearfully asked.

"Time?" Maya asked.

"Almost there," Asuka replied.

It didn't take long for Kaji and Misato to figure out what the sound was.

Outside, Kemp had given the command to ram the door open.

"_Eins, zwei, drei!_" she barked as the officers proceeded to ram into the door. "_Eins, zwei, drei!_" *BANG* "_Eins, zwei, drei!_"

*BANG*

The last ramming had successfully forced the door open, and soon Kemp led her squad inside the castle. They managed to find their way to the laboratory's foyer, where the door to the lab was locked shut. Kemp pounded on the door.

"This is the police! Open up!" she demanded.

"Dammit," Misato cursed, "Kemp and her Keytone Kops are on to us."

"We need to hold them off for just a little longer," Asuka said, "the process is almost done-just seven more seconds..."

"I'll distract them, I've got an idea!" Mari volunteered as she headed to the door.

Kemp pounded on the door again, ordering that it be opened. Mari answered, disguising her voice with a hippie-like cadence.

"Hey, man-who is it?" she asked.

"It's Inspector Helena Kemp, I demand you open the door!" the one-eyed officer barked. When no further response was heard, Kemp banged on the door again.

"Who is it?" asked Mari.

"It's Inspector Kemp, open this door or I vill force it open!"

"Who?"

"Inspector Kemp!"

"Kemp?"

"_JA!_ IT IZ KEMP!"

"...Kemp's not here!" Mari replied.

Kemp was clearly not amused, as she face-palmed upon hearing that. She then motioned furiously for the ram to be deployed. Mari quickly understood what those rushed footsteps meant and dashed as far back as she could. It took a few tries before the door finally burst open, and Kemp and the other officers stepped in, guns pointed at the party gathered in the lab. Ritsuko had just woken up, and was being helped to her feet by Maya and Kaji.

"Are you all right?" Maya asked.

"I'm fine," Ritsuko replied, "Just a bit of a monster headache."

"Asuka Langley Sohryu," Kemp sternly began, "I am placing you and your collaborators under arrest!"

"On what charge!?" Asuka furiously asked.

"You'll find out once you are brought back to headquarters," Kemp replied as she stepped forward, handcuffs dangling off her finger. "And as for your creation, dead or alive, it's coming vith me."

"Different franchise, Inspector," Rei said.

"Don't care," Kemp responded.

Kemp was about to place one end of the cuffs on Asuka's left wrist when an unexpected voice filled the room.

"Leave the girl alone."

All eyes turned towards the source of the voice, and went wide upon finding who it was: the she-creature, fully awake and looking their way. She got up from her slab and walked towards Kemp and Asuka, where everyone now noticed that flashes of blonde hair were now intermingled with her violet tresses.

"Vhat did you say?" Kemp asked indignantly.

"I said leave the girl alone," the she-creature replied, never flinching.

"And just who do you think you are that you can order a U.N. special inspector and a squad of highly trained police officers around?" Kemp continued.

The she-creature answered by lifting a large piece of machinery almost above her head as if it were Styrofoam, startling everyone in sight.

"Never mind," Kemp sheepishly answered her own question.

"Let me tell you something, miss," the she-creature began, "for as long as I've been alive, people feared me for what I was. They saw my strength and appearance and fled in horror. But then there were those who knew no better, and treated me like a real person. I could've gone the route every other creation of a Frankenstein had been down and become a true monster, inspiring fear instead of love, my deepest hope. I live because these people here have given me life. Asuka, Shinji and Rei alone held an image of me as something-_someone_ beautiful. And then, when it would've been easy enough for her to stay out of danger, Dr. Akagi volunteered herself as a test subject to help me balance out my mind, as well as giving me a more sophisticated means of expressing myself. For all this, I am eternally grateful to these people."

All were shocked by the way the she-creature had calmly diffused the tense situation. She then spoke up again.

"Tell me, Inspector," the she-creature started, her arms folded, "since I've been alive, has anyone been killed or seriously injured by my hand?"

"Vell...no," Kemp replied, "at best, all I have heard are some reports of mild property damage."

"Right, I do suppose I owe both the police precinct and an old woman some new doors," the she-creature sheepishly admitted.

There was an awkward silence for the next few minutes until Inspector Kemp cleared her throat.

"Vell, this is of course an entirely different situation," she said as she turned to Asuka and company. "Miss Sohryu, I humbly apologize for any animosity I put between us. As I told you before, I vill report to my superiors that there is no threat to be found here." She then held out her hand for Asuka to shake, which she did.

"Eh, it's water under the bridge at this point," Asuka responded. "Though I'm still gonna hold it against you for cheating with the darts the other night."

Kemp looked at Asuka bewilderingly. "How did you-?"

"C'mon, Inspector," Asuka replied with a hint of amusement, "I knew a few guys in college who did the same thing. I may be a 'dumb kid', but I'm not stupid."

Kaji and Misato carefully hid their chuckles upon hearing this exchange.

Kemp then turned to her squad of officers. "I sincerely apologize for bringing you all in on vhat turned out to be unvarranted. As a token of my appreciation, I invite you all to my hotel's restaurant for a little spunge cake and a little vine and-" Her thought was cut off as her prosthetic arm fell apart unexpectedly. "Oh, _schiesse_-that door must've been made of sterner stuff than I originally thought. To the nearest Hanger Clinic!" She and the officers then filed out of the laboratory, leaving the she-creature and the rest of the gathered group.

A couple of minutes later, Herr Blucher stepped into the laboratory.

"What the-how'd you get out of the locked room?" Misato asked in a befuddled manner.

"Major Katsuragi," Herr Blucher began, "having served as caretaker of this castle for decades, I know ALL its ins and outs like they were the back of my hand."

"And just where do you think you're going?" Asuka asked with a furrowed brow.

"Personal business, Miss Sohryu," he replied, "I have a _blind_ date tonight." He then took out a small cylinder of breath freshener, sprayed it into his mouth, and then went on his way.

The she-creature then turned back to said group.

"Thank you, all of you, for not giving up on me," she said gratefully. She then knelt down in front of Asuka, Shinji and Rei. "Especially you three."

"It was the least we could do," Rei said. "I wanted to do anything right by my sister."

"What'll you do now?" Shinji asked.

"I suppose I can count on you with helping me get a proper life in order," the she-creature replied, "but right now I'd better find Makoto and explain to him why I ran off." She looked at Misato, a small sly grin forming on her face. "I'm surprised you missed out on him, he's a pretty great guy. He's got a great singing voice-not to mention a nice butt," she said with a wink as she turned to leave. Misato, Ritsuko, and Maya were flabbergasted. All three looked at each other with a double take.

"Makoto?" they all asked in a puzzled fashion.

"Wait, as in Lt. Hyuga?" Asuka asked. "_Mein gott_, she's got an odd taste in men. On the other hand..." she began as she stifled a sniff, "they grow up so fast...".

**One week later...**

Life at last truly began to return to normal. In that time, with the help of a few of Kaji's connections, all the necessary paperwork had been created to give the she-creature an official background and a name. To the rest of the world, she was **Miko Ayanami** (a name of her own devising as an in-joke/tribute to her two 'brain donors'), the older half-sister of Rei, and an up-and-coming short fiction writer and satirist, who'd just landed a job with the Japan office of _The New Yorker_. She and Makoto moved in together, happily in love. One night the two of them had gotten home from a little welcoming party his parents had thrown. Miko was sitting in bed writing in a notebook, a pair of reading glasses on her face, while Makoto was just finishing getting ready to join her.

"Hey, Miko," Makoto began, "I hope you didn't find the party boring or anything. My folks mean well, and they really seemed to like you a lot."

"It's all right, dear," she replied, "I found your parents quite charming, actually."

"Good to hear," said Makoto as he walked into the room and got into bed. "So, I checked the guide a little bit ago, and _The Producers_ is on in a few minutes."

"Which version?" she asked, "Wilder or Broderick?"

"Both of them," he replied, a wide smile on his face.

"Perfect!" she said as she turned their TV set on. She then began to quietly hum "I Want to be a Producer" as the movie came on.

In another part of Tokyo-3, at the shared apartment of Ritsuko and Maya, said occupants were packing their bags for the upcoming trip that Asuka had promised. Maya was clearly excited by the prospect of being in the Big Apple for a week. Yet a different thing was on her mind as she finished filling her suitcase.

"Say Rits, there's something that's been nagging at me for a while now," Maya said.

"What would that be?" the good doctor asked.

"It's about the transfer process..." Maya answered, unaware that at the mention of it, a little something sparked in Ritsuko's mind that caused a seductive smile to emerge on her face. She quietly crept out of their bathroom and right behind her girlfriend as she continued on.

"...With a process like that, you'd think that it'd be a two-way deal. So if Miko got some of your beautiful brain, then what'd you receive from her?" Maya asked innocently. She then felt Ritsuko's arms adorn her shoulders as the bottle blonde then whispered in her ear.

"You've heard me tell you about the week Kaji and Misato spent in bed during our college days, right?" Ritsuko asked. Maya nodded slowly, a blush forming on her face and growing in brightness. "Well, Miko knew what it was that kept Kaji so bedridden all that time..."

A few minutes later, Maya's operatic singing voice could be heard both above and below every floor of the apartment complex as she sang.

"_Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh, sweet mystery of life, at last I have found youuuuuu!_"

**EPILOGUE**

**One year later...Valentine's Day, February 14th, 2016**

Love was in the air around Tokyo-3 as the various members of our cast celebrated in their own ways with their loved ones. In the background, one could hear some Bakay-esque vocals singing an old Nat "King" Cole favorite...

_L, is for the way you look at me._

**HERR BLUCHER and HARUKO**

Herr Blucher and Haruko sat together enjoying the sunset...and their twin Roman Red sticks...

_O, is for the only one I see._

**MISATO AND KAJI**

Misato and Kaji were in the latter's apartment. Misato was wearing nothing but a costume based on a steel safe. She handed Kaji a stethoscope, and the ex-spy, a sly grin on his face, went to work figuring out the combination. Having found it, he opened the door, revealing a key hanging from the top of the frame and Misato's waist covered in a novelty chastity belt. Kaji tried the key...only to find the lock not budging.

"Um...hon?" Kaji sheepishly began, "You're not gonna believe this..."

"What?" Misato asked with a seductive voice.

"It won't open," Kaji answered.

"**WHAT?**" a now-upset Misato asked.

"Now, don't panic..." Kaji said as he tried to placate her.

"Don't you have a lock pick set or something?" Misato asked desperately.

"I uh...left it in my other pants?" Kaji attempted to answer. "Why don't I just call a locksmith..."

"***UUUUUGGGGGHHH!***" cried Misato.

_V, is very, very extra-ordinary._

_E, is even more, than any one that you adore can..._

**TOJI AND HIKARI**

Late into the afternoon and into the evening, Hikari held a parasol while Toji rowed them around in a small rowboat on Lake Ashi with a beautiful sunset in the background.

_Love, is all that I can give to you_

**KENSUKE and Mayumi Yamagishi**

The two bespectacled lovebirds smiled at each other as they assembled a reissue of the Aurora 'Godzilla's Go-Kart' model kit together.

_Love, is more than just a game for two._

**MAYA AND RITSUKO**

Maya and Ritsuko sat in their apartment together, as the former opened a little pet carrier to reveal the latter's gift: a little gray and white kitten with a red ribbon around its collar. Ritsuko smiled as she held the kitten while planting a kiss on Maya.

_Two, in love can make it,_

The camera then focused on the balcony of Misato's apartment as the singer was revealed to be the same black cat we'd become acquainted with throughout this tale.

_Take my heart and please don't break it,_

_Love, was made for me and you._

Pen-Pen then stepped in to handle the trumpet solo as our look at the cast continued.

_L, is for the way you look at me._

_O, is for the only one I see._

**MIKO AND MAKOTO**

At a restaurant, Miko and Makoto were on a double-date with Shigeru Aoba and his current flame, a motorcycle-riding brunette punk singer wearing a red leather jacket.

_V, is very, very extraordinary._

**REI AND MARI**

In the apartment next to Misato's, Mari posed while Rei immortalized her in a painted portrait. Mari, smiling, wore a red one-piece swimsuit and sat in front of a Mexican blanket as Rei went to work on her canvas.

_E, is even more than anyone that you adore can..._

_Love, is all that I can give to you._

_Love, is more than just a game for two._

**ASUKA AND SHINJI**

The two ex-EVA pilots were camped out on Misato's couch watching _10 Things I Hate About You_. While Shinji was focused on the movie, Asuka divided her time between it and sketching something in a notebook she was holding. Shinji turned to her after noticing out of the corner of his eye.

"What are you doing in there?" he asked.

Asuka looked up with a smile on her face as she replied. "Nothing really, just doodling."

The two of them shared a small kiss as a close-up of the notebook revealed a preliminary schematic labeled 'Big Project #2: Kiryu Mk I'.

_Two in love can make it,_

_Take my heart and please don't break it._

_Love, was made for me and you..._

_Love, was made for me and you..._

**THE END.**

At this point, we see the hallway of an apartment. Mari, clad in a red-and-white-striped bathrobe and with her wet hair wrapped in a towel, stepped out of the bathroom, toothbrush in-hand. She looked our way and walked up a bit closer.

"You're still here?" she wondered aloud. "It's over. Go home."

She then walked back to her bedroom, shooing us away as she got to the threshold.

"Go."

She then stepped into her bedroom for a brief minute before poking her head back out.

"What, you expecting one of those after-credits teaser things? Wrong place. You want those, read the Superwomen of EVA stories. We're not really built for that kind of thing. I mean, what'd you expect? Sam Jackson showing up in an eye patch and a leather trench coat? Go on, get outta here."

"..."

"..."

"...WELL, I _CAN_ give you this-if you thought this was a fun romp, wait'll you see what we do to _Citizen Kane_! Or _Blade Runner_. Or _Bridesmaids_. Who knows? Anyway, go! Skedaddle! See ya!..."

Mari then walked back into the bedroom, only to briefly pop her head out again, a big grin on her face.

"_Chicka chi-kaah!_"

**NOW**** IT'S THE END.**

****AUTHOR'S FINAL NOTE****

***WHEW!* Man that was a hard, but fun exercise in parody writing. Oh yeah, I think I may have given you all the first-ever Rei/Mari pairing. If not, speak now or forever hold your peace. I don't know why, but it's my prerogative. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed the story. For those of you who couldn't quite pick out all the shout-outs sprinkled throughout, the following glossary should be very useful.**


	11. Glossary of Nods

**FrankenSohryu Glossary of Homages, Nods and References**

In addition to being an overall spoof of the legendary spoof _Young Frankenstein_, the story contains the following homages, nods, and references:

**Recurring throughout the story**

-Rei's bits with 'Different franchise, _' come from the August 23rd, 1997 episode of _Duckman_, a Star Trek parody called "Where No Duckman Has Gone Before". Here, Cornfed Pig (as Mr. Spock) would say 'Different franchise, sir' whenever a character would say a famous quote from another movie or show. He did it to Duckman twice (the first when he was about to quote _Toy Story's_ Buzz Lightyear, the second when he quoted the film _Apollo 13_) and to 'King' Chicken (here as 'Khan' Chicken) when he recited the "I'll be back" line from _The Terminator_.

-Pen-Pen's rimshot moments are inspired by the March 29th, 2002 episode of _Spongebob Squarepants_, "Rock-A-Bye Bivalve", where Spongebob, after offering his square pants as a box/bed for the baby scallop he and Patrick take care of, calls it the 'best seat in the house', resulting in Gary the snail playing a rimshot on his drum kit.

**Chapter 1**

-Melvin Silbermann is a portmanteau of Mel Brooks (born Melvin Kaminsky) and Gene Wilder (born Jerome Silberman), both of whom wrote the screenplay of _Young Frankenstein_; Asuka's great-aunt Inga is named after Terri Garr's Inga, the assistant of Dr. Frederick Frankenstein in the film.

-The names of Victor Frankenstein's successors and heirs come from the movies made by Universal Studios-Henry, as played by Colin Clive in the 1931 film; Wolfgang, as played by Basil Rathbone in the 1939 sequel _Son of Frankenstein_; and Ludwig, as played by Sir Cedric Hardwicke in 1941's _The Ghost of Frankenstein_. Ilsa is based on Ludwig's daughter Elsa, played first by _The Wolf Man's_ Evelyn Ankers and then by Ilona Massey in 1942's _Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man_. The last name Mannering comes from Elsa's love interest in the '42 film, Dr. Mannering (played by Patric Knowles).

-Shinji's 'I have a bad feeling about this' quote is a recurring line throughout the _Star Wars_ film series and its spinoffs.

**Chapter 2**

-Rei's 'Nice touch' is a recurring quote from the 1980's animated Garfield specials, most notably 1985's _Garfield in Disguise_ due to similar sequences.

-Kensuke refers to how in any episode of _The A-Team_ dealing with the group flying to another location, B.A. Baracus would have to be sedated due to his fear of flying.

-Mari quotes Bela Lugosi in the original 1931 _Dracula_ film, also made by Universal Studios. I could also call this a double-homage to Mel Brooks' 1995 vampire spoof _Dracula: Dead and Loving It_, which featured a riff on Lugosi's famous line.

-Herr Blucher is meant to resemble Boris Karloff, the English actor known for his portrayal of the Frankenstein Monster in the first three Universal Studios films.

-Kensuke and Toji's 'broom closet' bit comes from 1948's _Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein_, where Bud n' Lou look around the island castle of Dracula for any sign of the monsters. Instead of the basement dock like in the film, the chamber Kensuke glimpses is based on Edgar Allen Poe's _The Pit and the Pendulum_.

-Ritsuko of course quotes Harold Ramis in the original 1984 _Ghostbusters_ movie. Her 'wanting to use that line for years' is inspired by the webcomic Ginger's Bread.

-Mari and Kensuke's reaction to the EVA pilots having never seen _Ghostbusters_ is inspired by _New Avengers_, volume 2, issue 3, where Ms. Marvel (Carol Danvers) reveals during a battle between the team and a bunch of demons that she's never seen the movie, much to the shock and chagrin of fellow member the Thing.

**Chapter 3**

-The black cats singing "Fly Me To The Moon" is of course a joke about the song being used in the end credits of the _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ tv series.

-Rei's animosity towards the cats is a shout-out to pheonixspike's story "Rei Vs Cats", though here it's a bit more tame than the basket-case that author's take on Rei becomes.

-Rei shouting 'Will you clam up' while throwing the hiking boot at the middle cat invokes Patrick Star doing the same in the _Spongebob Squarepants_ (season 1) episode "I Was a Teenage Gary" (October 28th, 1999).

-The cat hit by the boot is, in fact, meant to be a thinly-veiled Salem Saberhagen, the feline sidekick of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. (I even imagined the dulcet vocals of Nick Bakay as I typed his one line.)

-Shinji and Asuka's sleeping together to keep their nightmares in check is my homage to Panther2G's "Advice and Trust" saga, of which I'm a big fan of.

-"Night on Bald Mountain" is an 1867 musical piece by Russian composer Modest Mussorgsky (1839-1881), most famous for its usage in the final segment of the 1940 Disney film _Fantasia_ and its 'disco-ization' by David Shire for the 1977 film _Saturday Night Fever_.

-Eagle-eyed readers no doubt spotted my paraphrasing of a line from another Poe story, _The Raven_.

-The hullabaloo the quartet finds behind the first door of course is taken from the musical _The Rocky Horror Show_ and its 1975 film adaptation.

-The _King Kong_ sequence behind door #2 is a riff on a similar sequence in the 1968 animated Beatles film _Yellow Submarine_, with Rei even uttering George's line.

-The werewolves at the card table I picture being modeled after famous film ones. Specificially, Lon Chaney Jr.'s from 1941's _The Wolf Man_; Henry Hull's from 1935's _Werewolf of London_; Steven Ritch's from 1956's _The Werewolf_; Michael Landon's from 1958's _I Was a Teenage Werewolf_; and Oliver Reed's from 1961's _Curse of the Werewolf_.

-Rei freaking out and going mad at the sight of the werewolves at the card table is a homage to the reaction of Homer Simpson to an actual _Dogs Playing Poker_ painting by Cassius Marcellus Coolidge in the October 28th, 1993 episode of _The Simpsons_, "Treehouse of Horror IV".

-Asuka bonking Rei back to sanity is a riff on the _Spongebob Squarepants_ (season 1) episode "SB-129", where Spongebob's robotic descendant Sponge-Tron drops a brick on Squidward (who's gone a bit cuckoo after seeing that he's in the future).

-Misato of course quotes Indiana Jones in _Raiders of the Lost Ark_ (1981).

**Chapter 4**

-Tribbles were furry little creatures at the center of the classic _Star Trek_ episode "The Trouble with Tribbles", due to their ability to multiply like rabbits.

-The mention of Rei's previously-unknown artistic skills is a shout-out to JimmyWolk's story "The 2nd Try", of which I'm also a big fan of.

-Mari's line about a female creature 'not being done before' comes from the 1958 drive-in schlock film _Frankenstein's Daughter_.

-Asuka's line that follows refers to the full title of the original Frankenstein novel, _Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus_. The Greek myth of Pygmalion centers around a sculptor who crafts a beautiful woman from marble, and prays to Aphrodite to bring her to life.

-Asuka's greeting to Ritsuko of course is the signature line of Bugs Bunny.

-Asuka's 'Puttin' on the Rits' line is a big riff on the song "Puttin' on the Ritz", famously used in _Young Frankenstein's_ lone musical number.

-Asuka's mention to Ritsuko of governments keeping at least one nuclear bomb 'just in case' is inspired by a line of Cable's from "Beyond Good and Evil (Part 2): Promise of Apocalypse", episode 54 of _X-Men: The Animated Series_.

-Ritsuko and Asuka deliver word-for-word the same dialogue between Leslie Nielsen and Robert Hays in 1980's _Airplane!_.

-_Cats_ is a famous Broadway musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber.

**Chapter 5**

-The chapter's title is a riff on both _Beauty and the Beast_ and the 1984 Don Henley album _Building the Perfect Beast_.

-The sequence of the trio going through a three-door entry is a riff on a similar sequence from the _Family Guy_ (season 7) episode "Ocean's Three and a Half". In that episode, it was Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland trying to get into Carter Pewterschmidt's vault. The vault doors opened in the following manner: voice print ID, 'member' ID (don't ask), and answering the question 'What is the most unattractive male first name in the English language?'. (It's Keith, apparently.)

-Ritsuko's flashback is a riff on another Mel Brooks film, _Spaceballs_ (1987).

-Chubby Checker recorded "Limbo Rock" in 1962.

-Tipping in restaurants is actually banned in Japan. No, seriously, it's true.

-Ritsuko artificially aging a Rei clone to adulthood is a nod to El Goodo's fanfic "A Loving Clone".

-Putting a sample of another person's cranial fluid into a Rei clone is inspired by CardCaptor Schlueter's fanfic "Me, Myself and Ayanami".

-Shinji sneaking off to the tune of an _HMS Pinafore_ song is a takeoff on a similar sequence from the _Freakazoid!_ (season 2) episode "The Island of Dr. Mystico".

-There actually was a scientific experiment conducted using a machine that simulated the motions of a human tongue that calculated exactly 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop.

-Mari quotes the famous folk-rock song "Blowin' in the Wind", sung by Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, and numerous others over the years.

**Chapter 6**

-Helena Kemp is a slightly-OC descendant of Inspector Kemp from the original _Young Frankenstein_, who in turn was inspired by Lionel Atwill's Inspector Krogh from _Son of Frankenstein_ (1939).

-Lord Byron was an English poet and one of the companions of Mary Shelley during the 1818 summer holiday they shared with a group of friends, where she came up with the basis for _Frankenstein_.

-Mari's chess game with Ritsuko and the 'snatching-the-piece' stunt is a takeoff of a scene from another Mel Brooks film, _Blazing Saddles_ (1974).

-Mari's mention of her 'lightning-fast reflexes' is my shout-out to Mike313's Superwomen of EVA 2 story "The Ultimate Rush", where Mari becomes her world's version of the Flash.

-Yep, I borrowed and tweaked a lyric from Bobby 'Boris' Pickett's 1962 novelty hit "Monster Mash".

-Kaji trying to tap out riffs on John Candy doing the same while facing a bear in _The Great Outdoors_ (1988).

-Kaji's comment following 'Reminds me of my frat days' comes from Al Pacino in _The Godfather, Part III_ (1990).

-Not-Salem makes another appearance in this story. Picture Nick Bakay's voice, if you will.

-Asuka borrows a phrase from Jon Lovitz's pathological liar character from _Saturday Night Live_.

-"In the Hall of the Mountain King" is an 1875 Edvard Grieg composition most famously used in the classic Fritz Lang film _M_ (1931), where it was whistled by Peter Lorre's character.

**Chapter 7**

-Haruko's Roman Reds are a nod to the Mel Brooks film _History of the World, Part I_ (1981), where Gregory Hines' Josephus crafts an enormous joint filled with Roman Red strain and uses it to get the Roman centurions chasing him and his friends out of their hair. In their high state, the centurions wind up dancing the 'Lindus'.

-Ritsuko nearly says the famous catchphrase of Spider-Man, which also serves as a small nod to OrionPax09's Superwomen of EVA story "Treacherous Web", where Rits gains Spidey's powers.

-Shinji and Asuka both invoke the songs "Brick House" by The Commodores and "Super Freak" by Rick James as they win over the she-creature's trust.

**Chapter 8**

-The sequence at the mall boutique is both a riff on the 1990 film _Pretty Woman_, and of a scene from episode 9 of _The Critic_, "L.A. Jay", which parodied that same sequence (in that case, Jay was dressed like the mascot of Bob's Big Boy and ate six plastic burgers on his plate).

-The carhop getup the she-creature wears is based on that of the woman on the cover of the soundtrack to the movie _American Graffitti_ (1973).

-The style of the marquee is a riff on a recurring gag from _The Simpsons_, where, for example, the marquee outside Springfield Elementary, the church, or city hall would display the main event for that day or evening, and then display some other, out-of-left-field unrelated event occurring at the same place the following day.

-The "Bronski Theatre Troupe Revue" is a nod to Mel Brooks's 1983 remake of the 1942 film _To Be or Not To Be_.

-In a big deviation from the source material, instead of "Puttin' on the Ritz", Asuka and the she-creature sing "And All That Jazz" from the musical _Chicago_, with the she-creature sporting the same dress that Catherine Zeta-Jones wore in the 2003 film adaptation's opening number. Asuka's gown is a nod to the one she wore in Crazy-88's fanfic "Once More with Feeling".

-Asuka invokes the catchphrase of Bill Bixby's Banner from the 1978 TV version of _The Incredible Hulk_. Can also be seen as a subtle nod to another SOE story from OrionPax09, "Emerald Fury", in which Misato becomes the She-Hulk.

-Ritsuko and Mari unintentionally quote Kevin Bacon in the climax of _National Lampoon's Animal House_ (1978).

**Chapter 9**

-Makoto being in a karaoke bar is a nod to the epilogue of Rakna's classic fanfic "The One I Love Is...". Not spoiling the connection for you all, you'll have to read it yourself.

-Makoto's entire performance and the she-creature's reaction is a homage to Mel Brooks's Hitchcockian spoof _High Anxiety_ (1977).

-Makoto's line before finishing the song is a clap-back to one of the major philosophical ideas found in _Neon Genesis Evangelion_, the Hedgehog's Dilemma. And yes, I personally believe it's total bunk.

-Makoto's brief singing of "Moon River" is lifted from Chevy Chase in the 1985 film adaptation of _Fletch_.

-The song used to lure the she-creature back to Asuka and company is another B-52's tune, 1989's "Roam", from the album _Cosmic Thing_.

-Makoto invokes Disney character Goofy when he makes his soft-spoken declaration of love.

-Maya quotes Samuel L. Jackson in the original _Jurassic Park_ (1993).

**Chapter 10 and Epilogue**

-Mari's distraction of Kemp parodies the classic "Dave" routine by Cheech and Chong.

-Kemp paraphrases the title character of 1987's original _Robocop_.

-The Hanger Clinic is an American medical organization specializing in prosthetic limbs, started 150 years ago by James Edward Hanger, who became an amputee during the Civil War in 1861.

-Herr Blucher's 'blind date' remark comes from the Broadway musical version of _Young Frankenstein_ (**spoiler alert!**).

-_The Producers_ was the 1967 directorial debut for Mel Brooks that satirized Broadway shows. The original (which won an Oscar for best original screenplay) starred Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder, while the 2005 remake (based on the Broadway musical version) starred Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick.

-The entire Valentine's Day epilogue is inspired by the _Family Guy_ (season 7) episode "Valentine's Day in Quahog", which featured "L-O-V-E" by Nat "King" Cole playing in the background. Kaji and Misato's moment, in particular, riffs on Mayor West and Carol's 'activity'.

-Misato and Kaji's mishap with the key and the chastity belt is a reference to Mel Brooks' 1993 spoof _Robin Hood: Men in Tights_.

-The singer of "L-O-V-E" is once again revealed to be 'not-Salem', a reference to Salem singing Frank Sinatra's "Witchcraft" in the Sabrina The Teenage Witch (season one) episode "Sweet Charity".

-The model kit Kensuke and Mayumi are building is from Aurora's series of 'monster hot rod' model kits from the 1960's. In addition to 'Godzilla's Go-Kart', the other models included "Frankenstein's Flivver", "Dracula's Dragster", "The Wolf Man's Wagon", "The Mummy's Chariot", and "King Kong's Thronester".

-Shigeru's girlfriend is based off of Priss Asagiri from the _Bubblegum Crisis_ franchise.

-Rei's portrait of Mari is a riff on the iconic 1976 poster of Farrah Fawcett, with Mari in the same pose.

-Shinji and Asuka watching _10 Things I Hate About You_ is my nod to Eric Blair's fanfic spoof/mash-up "10 Things I Hate About EVA".

-Asuka's schematic-in-progress is based on the Kiryu redesign of Mechagodzilla from 2004, and inspired by some fan art of said Kiryu in EVA colors.

-The very end scene with Mari is based on the post-credits scene from _Ferris Bueller's Day Off_ (1986) and its parody in (spoiler alert) _Deadpool_ (2016).


End file.
